So welcome to my life friends: I am a ex-Pentecostal, possible ex-Christian. And this is my story.... You don't have to read or even support it. However, this holiday season has put a harsh focus on my deconstruction of my faith and I have turned into a complete Grinch (to the point where I've been saying Happy Festivus instead of Christmas and we have 0 Christmas decor up). But we're going home and I don't want to ruin anyone else's Christmas with my Grinchy-ness so I'm getting some of it out.
Anyways, the events of the last 12 months have really made me take a hard look at my belief in God and American Christianity.
If I'm being honest, I don't think the people who I want to read this will ever touch it. And if they do, I don't think they'll get the message because, at this point, I've just about lost all hope for American Christianity. This doesn't mean I blame all Christians or that I even think all Christians are bad people. I have spent the last year watching Christians that I respected and loved turn against all the Christian principles I thought were important. A lot of their political and personal decisions made me wonder if they truly believe the lessons they taught me growing up.
I was raised in a standard Pentecostal church. I spent years at youth camp trying to receive the gift of speaking in tongues from the Holy Spirit and spent as many years wondering if I sinned too much to receive it. I did See You at the Pole, attended youth retreats, got involved with small groups, and made a stupid list about what I wanted in my future husband (because what 16 year old truly knows what they want in a spouse?). My life was saturated in the early 00's youth group culture where I had to dress conservatively so my Christian brethren wouldn't sin, where listening to anything BUT Christian music on trips was explicitly forbidden and where I was absolutely convinced that if I didn't get involved with a Christian group at my college I would fall into temptation and become a party girl.
Right.
I started at my heathen institution for higher learning in August of 2006. I was one of to two people from my youth group's graduating class who chose a secular college. But I was the only one to leave home. I was warned of the perils of drinking and partying too much. I was warned of the mortal peril of getting into a sinful, lustful relationship with young men who aren't Christians. I was even warned of the perils of having a non-Christian roommate (yea... I had one... and it was great! She was absolutely awesome!).
You know it's funny... It wasn't the lustful young men or the partying that made my question my faith for the first time... It was my best friend (I won't name him because I didn't talk to him about this post).
My best friend is gay. And before meeting him, I always thought being gay was a choice and therefore, it was a sin. But as Christian, I had to love the sinner and hate the sin... So I could love him but I had to hate that he was gay...
Um... WHAT? Regardless of any stupid Biblical arguments... How was I supposed to love him but hate that he was gay? He was my friend. I enjoyed hanging out with him and we spent A LOT of time together. We created a lot of great memories that didn't involve partying or any of the other "evils" of a public school. We watched Zombie films, Dancing with the Stars, talked about global takeover and talked about philosophy. In the context of a Pentecostal youth group, 75% of it would have been approved by any youth pastor. I say 75% because we attended several drag shows and dressed up for Harry Potter premieres.
I found the more time I spent with him and my birthday twin, the more I began to question my beliefs about sexual orientation. By the time I graduated, I didn't give a flying F about people's sexual orientation. I still held firmly to my belief of Jesus and Christianity and "it's a relationship not a religion" but I started to see I could still love people for who they are and whatever "sins" they're supposed to be committing.
And it's possible my theology is all wrong but I'm a sinner too... how can I cast the first stone on someone else when, according to the Bible, I sin too? And if we're taking a literal interpretation, it does say, "The wages of sin is Death." This means I'm going to hell for my sins just the same as everyone else, so there is no such thing as a larger sin. So how am I hating someone else's sin when I have 29 years worth of my own sin to hate? It's just too much.
So I think that's the first part of my faith I've done away with: "Love the sinner but hate the sin." It's a stupid phrase that is impossible to follow unless you're Jesus. And for me personally, I can't separate the two. Plus from a grammatical standpoint, "sin" is the first part of "sinner" and if I just hate the first part of the word... the only thing I can love is the "ner"... And what on earth is a "ner"?
And here's a political stance to tack on: If my male best friend marries another man, I don't care. Christianity hasn't done so hot at the man/woman marriage thing... so why not let someone else try?
For the record, you don't have to agree with but I do not want to argue with you. As someone who is struggling with faith and American Christianity, the last thing you should do here is argue with me. It won't save me and it WILL NOT change my mind. In fact, it will do the complete opposite of what you want it to do.
I'll probably write another post because I've got more I need to get out.
So yea... Happy Festivus and Bah Humbug. Love, your Las Vegas Grinch.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Saturday, July 25, 2015
To a Mighty Flood... 25 thank yous from a birthday twin
So Jamie, I was thinking to myself when I finally woke up, "since it's my birthday, I'm going to do all the things I love in ONE day." It's a pretty big list that involves reading, watching a movie, taking a bubble bath while listening to opera and so on. There was one item on my list I didn't know how to achieve: writing.
Then I decided to reread the blog I posted on your wall and I had a brilliant thought! I'm going to write my own blog of 25 thank yous to my first college friend (a.k.a. you). It'll probably be pretty sappy and we'll probably both cry during this process. However, I can't think of a more fitting way to cross off an item on my list and celebrate someone really awesome. I didn't actually think about this before writing so we'll see what I come up with (I'm probably going to copy off the blog but it'll be directed at us rather than them).
1. Thank you for being my first EIU friend... like I said earlier, I knew nobody. I was nervous, scared and unbelievably overwhelmed. I may seem like a calm, level-headed person but those first few days I couldn't decide if I wanted to scream or cry or runaway in utter terror. Then I met you and knew I wasn't going anywhere. You were so nice, sweet and amazingly friendly that all my fears seemed to drift away.
2. Thank you for introducing me to other awesome friends. If I'd never met you, I never would've met Tristan or Jen O'Neill. And even though I knew of Jen Ross, I like to think you were our matchmaker. She was your friend and so was I, so you decided we should be good friends too.
3. Piggbacking off of 2... Thank you for being the Godmother. Thank you reaching out to everyone and making connections with everyone. To this day, I still people about the Godmother of EIU. There were few people on campus who knew EVERYONE and even fewer who cared about everyone they met. You remembered faces, names and details I could never remember. I knew lots of people who represented EIU and became faces of the school but you were one of the unspoken faces of EIU. And I truly believe, if everyone on campus had a chance to meet Jamie Flood, they never would've left because they would've met someone who truly cared about them.
4. Thank you for making Panther Dining awesome. Can I tell you there were SOOOOO many days I just wanted to quit? Dining was only my second job ever and most days I hated it. I hated the drama, the smell, and most days it was a hit or miss with some of the cooks. But I loved working with you because you made it fun. I would sign up for shifts just to work with you because I didn't really know anyone else. Plus, you were among the few who actually cared about their job. I was sad when you became a manager and left me (but it wasn't for long). I'm glad we could be managers together.
I'll try and make these shorter because otherwise this is going to be long.
5. Thank you for being open to deep conversations about anything. I could talk to you about pretty much anything and I really appreciated (still do) you being an open book. You accepted people as they were and didn't mind chatting about anything that crossed their mind. Even if you didn't necessarily agree with them. There was no subject off limits with Jamie Flood.
6. Thank you for laughing with us at our crazy ideas. When Tristan, Crystal and I decided to take over the world (starting with Carmen... I think?), you jumped in right along with us. And you didn't even flinch when I elected to make you Pope. When told our plans of global domination to Zack a couple years later, he pointed out that women can't become Pope. However, I think it's all the more reason to make you Pope. You will be the first female Pope and it will be epic. Pope Jamie the 1st. And I can make a pretty good case that you'll leave most of the Vatican untouched because you have a huge respect for art. Or I could be totally wrong and in that case, I'll the first to volunteer to paint the Sistene Chapel in whatever taste you select.
7. Thank you for accepting my weirdness. I think the reason we get along so well is that we're both weird. For some reason, most people think I'm normal when I first meet them. Then they discover I love Star Wars or I'm obsessed with reading... and they seemed shocked. Really??? Why do people think I'm normal? Maybe you knew I wasn't normal from the start because I was VERY shy back then. When I finally let the weird side flow, you simply accepted it. You also introduced to me to new sides of the nerd realm I never knew about.
8. Thank you for playing matchmaker. You may not remember this but you did actually try to set me up with a certain checker named Nathan. I was totally into him at the time (I was a freshman and didn't even know Zack existed) and knowing I would never act on it, you went and tried to set us up. Sadly, it didn't work but you wanted to see me happy and deemed he was capable. You really wanted what was best for me and had my best interest at heart. It's his loss, really, but Zack is the most amazing guy and I want you to know I'm incredibly happy. I'm glad you approved of Zack (and even if he won't admit it, he's very fond of you, too).
9. Thank you for being my defender. You always said if Zack ever hurt me, you'd hurt him. You know lots of people and you could have done it. Luckily for Zack, he's a sweetheart and really couldn't harm a fly (I can only imagine what would've come from the minds of you, Jen and Megan... oh boy). I know you would have done the same to anyone else who would've tried to hurt me. And although I was pretty shy at the time, if anyone had hurt you, I'd probably be mad enough to find a way to hurt them. Zack says I kinda hulk out when I'm really angry. And people who hurt Jamie Flood make me REALLLYYY angry (and I'm not so shy anymore...).
10. Thank you for being in Cultural Geography with me. You made the class fun and informative. End of story. Ok, I lied. You made it fun and informative because you are a curious person. You want to know how the world works and have an open mind to see different viewpoints. When we met, I had the makings of an open mind but didn't quite understand what that meant. You were my example. Your innate curiosity and willingness to seek out the truth inspired me to consider things I had never even thought about.
11. Thanks for opening your home to whoever needed it. How many times did you tell me about people who needed a place to stay and you'd let them crash on your couch? Answer: a lot. You are incredibly generous with everything. If you can use any of your talents to help, you will, If someone needs food, you'll make them dinner, If someone needs a place to hide a pet for a few days (or weeks), your place is always available. One of my wishes for you in the future is you find people who are just as generous to you. Even though I'm super far way, my house will always be open to you (unfortunately, I can't do the pets... my allergies hate anything with fur or feathers). But if you were in DIRE need of a place with pets, I would binge on allergy meds for you. But only because I know you have the BIGGEST heart with the kindest soul for humans and animals. I could never say no to that because the world needs more people like you.
12. Thank you for taking strange photos with me. Weird people should take weird photos, right? I love all our photos with strange faces and crazy expressions. When we move, I have a favorite photo of us that I'm going to frame.
13. Thank you for farting on Crystal's pillow. Do you remember this? When we celebrated our half birthday together freshman year in my tiny room. You sat on Crystal's bed and farted accidentally on her pillow. It was SO funny! But she was SO mad! I think Crystal got over it tolerably well or at least didn't hold it against you. I don't know if she finds it as funny as I do but anything with bodily functions is funny. I still giggle a little when I say poop.
14. Thank you for being open about bodily functions. You were my first friend EVER who burped or farted without any remorse. If you had to burp, you were going to burp. And they were impressive, My high school friends are fantastic, wonderful people but you don't burp or fart or do anything "gross" with them. You helped me accept that burping and farting are ok... which is exceptionally good because my husband farts on me ALL the time. So THANK YOU for taking the gross factor out of that.
15. Thank you for cuddling. I don't think we actually cuddled a lot but you would've cuddled with me. And that's what really matters.
16. Thank you for giving AMAZING hugs. You and Tristan are the two best huggers I know (besides Zack). I don't know what it is but you guys give the best hugs. I always look forward to getting hugs from you. And since I don't see you that much, I savor them!
17. Thank you for staying my friend. We did eventually branch out and find other friend groups. We didn't see each other as often as we did our freshman/sophomore years. But I always knew that if anything happened, I could come to you. You were always there for me... no matter what. And I will ALWAYS be there for you (it's the code of the birthday twin)... no matter what.
18. Thank you for taking me on the Chrysalis weekend. I really I had no idea what I was getting myself into that weekend. I figured I was going on retreat to hear you speak, not that I was participating in the weekend. Imagine my surprise... haha. But it was a great weekend for me spiritually and I still actually use that Bible I got that weekend. And I did cry when I discovered you reached out to my mom for her words of encouragement. You are simply the best.
19. Thank you for always making us late. Jamie, I love you dearly but you did make us late a lot. And when I met you, I was a stickler for being punctual. If I'm being honest, it ruffled my feathers a bit. But I'm better for it. Now I'm always making everyone late (hahaha... oh how the tables have turned) but the moral of the story is, thank you for going with the flow. You showed me that you don't have to be ON TIME for everything (minus work or school) and life will sometimes move you in other directions.
20. Thank you for being the best blizzard mate ever! We were crazy to be the only 3 people out in that storm. It was psychotic. We couldn't move, it was so windy and I remember I had to hang on to Tristan for balance. We were cold and frostbitten and I was absolutely soaked... Why did we go out in that storm? We should've just stayed in your room all day... Oh, the memories.
21. Thanks taking me to the art museum! I almost forgot about this but this was a GREAT day! It was one of the few times I saw you after college. You came back to visit and invited me to come to the Art Institute. That was only my second visit to that museum. My first trip to the museum I was maybe 15 and didn't understand all the artwork. But the trip with you was super informative. I think I learned more about art with my short time you than in all 4 years at EIU. I don't remember much of it because my memory sucks... but I remember having a blast. Thank you for being a teacher that day and explaining stuff to someone who knows very little about art. It's hard to find people to go the art museum with... I love art, you love art, so everyone should love art, right?
22. Thank you for inspiring me to go to Ireland (it was Ireland, right? Because otherwise this will be very awkward). Yes, you studied abroad and I was SUPER jealous. When my turn came to go to Europe with my sisters, I demanded we go to Ireland. Simply because you had gone and wouldn't stop talking about it. I had to see what you thought was so great. And I GET IT! I spend 3 days in Ireland and they were some of the best days of my life. The other places were beautiful and wonderful but Ireland felt like home to me. My memory does really suck but I can remember those 3 days with complete clarity. So thank you for going away for a long time and making me jealous. I never would have insisted on Ireland, if you hadn't gone yourself first. P.S. If it wasn't actually Ireland and my memory is confused, then take pride knowing that I had to see what you saw even if I went to the wrong country. I tried.
23. Thank you for being an inspiration. You have gone and done things I may never do. You went to grad school, you studied abroad, you followed your heart. I would never expect anything less of you. If one day you said, "I'm moving to Antarctica!" I wouldn't be surprised and I would be super proud of you! You live your life in way that makes you happy and allows you to make the people around you happy. You are proud to be Jamie E. Flood and I'm super proud to call you a dear friend.
24. Thank you for making the trip for the wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Having you be apart of the biggest day of life was such a blessing to me. Being able to see you and spend time with you was so incredibly special to me. You arrived and started working behind the scenes right away and I can't even tell you what it meant to me. I wish I could describe what having you there meant to me and by proxy, Zack. Seriously, I can't even find the words... You are the best.
And now for the ultimate sappy one...
25. Thank for being you. If you take anything away from this, please don't ever change, People like us, who truly care about others, are a dying breed. You are the kindest, gentlest of souls Jamie E. Flood and I'm a better person because of meeting you. I hold you in the highest regard and besides my undying devotion, you have my utmost respect. You accept people without judgement or reserve. You genuinely love people and try to make the best out of every situation for everyone. Maybe someday I'll write a book about what I learned from A Might Flood (oh... that's good... that's SO GOOD... gonna pat myself on the back for that one). Last name puns aside, you only deserve the best in life Jamie, because you are simply the best. Anyone who's ever met you, sat with you, talked to you, knows they are around someone wonderful. And if anyone dares argue with me (including you), I will shut them down. Happy 27th birthday, love. I will say this to the end of time,... I could never dreamed that my birthday twin would be someone so beautiful (inside and out). I will always love you and always be there for you. Lots of hugs from Vegas, sweetie!
P.S. I couldn't figure out what to name my blog until 25.... It's so good!
Then I decided to reread the blog I posted on your wall and I had a brilliant thought! I'm going to write my own blog of 25 thank yous to my first college friend (a.k.a. you). It'll probably be pretty sappy and we'll probably both cry during this process. However, I can't think of a more fitting way to cross off an item on my list and celebrate someone really awesome. I didn't actually think about this before writing so we'll see what I come up with (I'm probably going to copy off the blog but it'll be directed at us rather than them).
1. Thank you for being my first EIU friend... like I said earlier, I knew nobody. I was nervous, scared and unbelievably overwhelmed. I may seem like a calm, level-headed person but those first few days I couldn't decide if I wanted to scream or cry or runaway in utter terror. Then I met you and knew I wasn't going anywhere. You were so nice, sweet and amazingly friendly that all my fears seemed to drift away.
2. Thank you for introducing me to other awesome friends. If I'd never met you, I never would've met Tristan or Jen O'Neill. And even though I knew of Jen Ross, I like to think you were our matchmaker. She was your friend and so was I, so you decided we should be good friends too.
3. Piggbacking off of 2... Thank you for being the Godmother. Thank you reaching out to everyone and making connections with everyone. To this day, I still people about the Godmother of EIU. There were few people on campus who knew EVERYONE and even fewer who cared about everyone they met. You remembered faces, names and details I could never remember. I knew lots of people who represented EIU and became faces of the school but you were one of the unspoken faces of EIU. And I truly believe, if everyone on campus had a chance to meet Jamie Flood, they never would've left because they would've met someone who truly cared about them.
4. Thank you for making Panther Dining awesome. Can I tell you there were SOOOOO many days I just wanted to quit? Dining was only my second job ever and most days I hated it. I hated the drama, the smell, and most days it was a hit or miss with some of the cooks. But I loved working with you because you made it fun. I would sign up for shifts just to work with you because I didn't really know anyone else. Plus, you were among the few who actually cared about their job. I was sad when you became a manager and left me (but it wasn't for long). I'm glad we could be managers together.
I'll try and make these shorter because otherwise this is going to be long.
5. Thank you for being open to deep conversations about anything. I could talk to you about pretty much anything and I really appreciated (still do) you being an open book. You accepted people as they were and didn't mind chatting about anything that crossed their mind. Even if you didn't necessarily agree with them. There was no subject off limits with Jamie Flood.
6. Thank you for laughing with us at our crazy ideas. When Tristan, Crystal and I decided to take over the world (starting with Carmen... I think?), you jumped in right along with us. And you didn't even flinch when I elected to make you Pope. When told our plans of global domination to Zack a couple years later, he pointed out that women can't become Pope. However, I think it's all the more reason to make you Pope. You will be the first female Pope and it will be epic. Pope Jamie the 1st. And I can make a pretty good case that you'll leave most of the Vatican untouched because you have a huge respect for art. Or I could be totally wrong and in that case, I'll the first to volunteer to paint the Sistene Chapel in whatever taste you select.
7. Thank you for accepting my weirdness. I think the reason we get along so well is that we're both weird. For some reason, most people think I'm normal when I first meet them. Then they discover I love Star Wars or I'm obsessed with reading... and they seemed shocked. Really??? Why do people think I'm normal? Maybe you knew I wasn't normal from the start because I was VERY shy back then. When I finally let the weird side flow, you simply accepted it. You also introduced to me to new sides of the nerd realm I never knew about.
8. Thank you for playing matchmaker. You may not remember this but you did actually try to set me up with a certain checker named Nathan. I was totally into him at the time (I was a freshman and didn't even know Zack existed) and knowing I would never act on it, you went and tried to set us up. Sadly, it didn't work but you wanted to see me happy and deemed he was capable. You really wanted what was best for me and had my best interest at heart. It's his loss, really, but Zack is the most amazing guy and I want you to know I'm incredibly happy. I'm glad you approved of Zack (and even if he won't admit it, he's very fond of you, too).
9. Thank you for being my defender. You always said if Zack ever hurt me, you'd hurt him. You know lots of people and you could have done it. Luckily for Zack, he's a sweetheart and really couldn't harm a fly (I can only imagine what would've come from the minds of you, Jen and Megan... oh boy). I know you would have done the same to anyone else who would've tried to hurt me. And although I was pretty shy at the time, if anyone had hurt you, I'd probably be mad enough to find a way to hurt them. Zack says I kinda hulk out when I'm really angry. And people who hurt Jamie Flood make me REALLLYYY angry (and I'm not so shy anymore...).
10. Thank you for being in Cultural Geography with me. You made the class fun and informative. End of story. Ok, I lied. You made it fun and informative because you are a curious person. You want to know how the world works and have an open mind to see different viewpoints. When we met, I had the makings of an open mind but didn't quite understand what that meant. You were my example. Your innate curiosity and willingness to seek out the truth inspired me to consider things I had never even thought about.
11. Thanks for opening your home to whoever needed it. How many times did you tell me about people who needed a place to stay and you'd let them crash on your couch? Answer: a lot. You are incredibly generous with everything. If you can use any of your talents to help, you will, If someone needs food, you'll make them dinner, If someone needs a place to hide a pet for a few days (or weeks), your place is always available. One of my wishes for you in the future is you find people who are just as generous to you. Even though I'm super far way, my house will always be open to you (unfortunately, I can't do the pets... my allergies hate anything with fur or feathers). But if you were in DIRE need of a place with pets, I would binge on allergy meds for you. But only because I know you have the BIGGEST heart with the kindest soul for humans and animals. I could never say no to that because the world needs more people like you.
12. Thank you for taking strange photos with me. Weird people should take weird photos, right? I love all our photos with strange faces and crazy expressions. When we move, I have a favorite photo of us that I'm going to frame.
13. Thank you for farting on Crystal's pillow. Do you remember this? When we celebrated our half birthday together freshman year in my tiny room. You sat on Crystal's bed and farted accidentally on her pillow. It was SO funny! But she was SO mad! I think Crystal got over it tolerably well or at least didn't hold it against you. I don't know if she finds it as funny as I do but anything with bodily functions is funny. I still giggle a little when I say poop.
14. Thank you for being open about bodily functions. You were my first friend EVER who burped or farted without any remorse. If you had to burp, you were going to burp. And they were impressive, My high school friends are fantastic, wonderful people but you don't burp or fart or do anything "gross" with them. You helped me accept that burping and farting are ok... which is exceptionally good because my husband farts on me ALL the time. So THANK YOU for taking the gross factor out of that.
15. Thank you for cuddling. I don't think we actually cuddled a lot but you would've cuddled with me. And that's what really matters.
16. Thank you for giving AMAZING hugs. You and Tristan are the two best huggers I know (besides Zack). I don't know what it is but you guys give the best hugs. I always look forward to getting hugs from you. And since I don't see you that much, I savor them!
17. Thank you for staying my friend. We did eventually branch out and find other friend groups. We didn't see each other as often as we did our freshman/sophomore years. But I always knew that if anything happened, I could come to you. You were always there for me... no matter what. And I will ALWAYS be there for you (it's the code of the birthday twin)... no matter what.
18. Thank you for taking me on the Chrysalis weekend. I really I had no idea what I was getting myself into that weekend. I figured I was going on retreat to hear you speak, not that I was participating in the weekend. Imagine my surprise... haha. But it was a great weekend for me spiritually and I still actually use that Bible I got that weekend. And I did cry when I discovered you reached out to my mom for her words of encouragement. You are simply the best.
19. Thank you for always making us late. Jamie, I love you dearly but you did make us late a lot. And when I met you, I was a stickler for being punctual. If I'm being honest, it ruffled my feathers a bit. But I'm better for it. Now I'm always making everyone late (hahaha... oh how the tables have turned) but the moral of the story is, thank you for going with the flow. You showed me that you don't have to be ON TIME for everything (minus work or school) and life will sometimes move you in other directions.
20. Thank you for being the best blizzard mate ever! We were crazy to be the only 3 people out in that storm. It was psychotic. We couldn't move, it was so windy and I remember I had to hang on to Tristan for balance. We were cold and frostbitten and I was absolutely soaked... Why did we go out in that storm? We should've just stayed in your room all day... Oh, the memories.
21. Thanks taking me to the art museum! I almost forgot about this but this was a GREAT day! It was one of the few times I saw you after college. You came back to visit and invited me to come to the Art Institute. That was only my second visit to that museum. My first trip to the museum I was maybe 15 and didn't understand all the artwork. But the trip with you was super informative. I think I learned more about art with my short time you than in all 4 years at EIU. I don't remember much of it because my memory sucks... but I remember having a blast. Thank you for being a teacher that day and explaining stuff to someone who knows very little about art. It's hard to find people to go the art museum with... I love art, you love art, so everyone should love art, right?
22. Thank you for inspiring me to go to Ireland (it was Ireland, right? Because otherwise this will be very awkward). Yes, you studied abroad and I was SUPER jealous. When my turn came to go to Europe with my sisters, I demanded we go to Ireland. Simply because you had gone and wouldn't stop talking about it. I had to see what you thought was so great. And I GET IT! I spend 3 days in Ireland and they were some of the best days of my life. The other places were beautiful and wonderful but Ireland felt like home to me. My memory does really suck but I can remember those 3 days with complete clarity. So thank you for going away for a long time and making me jealous. I never would have insisted on Ireland, if you hadn't gone yourself first. P.S. If it wasn't actually Ireland and my memory is confused, then take pride knowing that I had to see what you saw even if I went to the wrong country. I tried.
23. Thank you for being an inspiration. You have gone and done things I may never do. You went to grad school, you studied abroad, you followed your heart. I would never expect anything less of you. If one day you said, "I'm moving to Antarctica!" I wouldn't be surprised and I would be super proud of you! You live your life in way that makes you happy and allows you to make the people around you happy. You are proud to be Jamie E. Flood and I'm super proud to call you a dear friend.
24. Thank you for making the trip for the wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Having you be apart of the biggest day of life was such a blessing to me. Being able to see you and spend time with you was so incredibly special to me. You arrived and started working behind the scenes right away and I can't even tell you what it meant to me. I wish I could describe what having you there meant to me and by proxy, Zack. Seriously, I can't even find the words... You are the best.
And now for the ultimate sappy one...
25. Thank for being you. If you take anything away from this, please don't ever change, People like us, who truly care about others, are a dying breed. You are the kindest, gentlest of souls Jamie E. Flood and I'm a better person because of meeting you. I hold you in the highest regard and besides my undying devotion, you have my utmost respect. You accept people without judgement or reserve. You genuinely love people and try to make the best out of every situation for everyone. Maybe someday I'll write a book about what I learned from A Might Flood (oh... that's good... that's SO GOOD... gonna pat myself on the back for that one). Last name puns aside, you only deserve the best in life Jamie, because you are simply the best. Anyone who's ever met you, sat with you, talked to you, knows they are around someone wonderful. And if anyone dares argue with me (including you), I will shut them down. Happy 27th birthday, love. I will say this to the end of time,... I could never dreamed that my birthday twin would be someone so beautiful (inside and out). I will always love you and always be there for you. Lots of hugs from Vegas, sweetie!
P.S. I couldn't figure out what to name my blog until 25.... It's so good!
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Stamps, Shopping and a Hungry, Hungry Hippo!
Ok, ok... people have been asking me for another wedding blog. I don't know why you'd want to read about it when I would happily tell you in person. But hey, I have a couple minutes.
Ugh... some days I feel like it's all I can possibly think about.
I'll be at work making a turkey sandwich with mayo, lettuce and pickles wondering, "How would the groomsmen look in charcoal gray instead of black?" It's saddening to me, actually. I'm trying so hard NOT to become wedding obsessed because I feel like it's what the wedding industry from the black lagoon wants me to do. Meh, I should probably just admit the truth to everyone: I AM WEDDING OBSESSED! Absolutely wedding obsessed.
And I guess by all rights, I should be obsessed. What bride isn't obsessed with her wedding? It's the biggest day of your life. Although I think for most brides, they're obsessed with overall perfection. I'm obsessed with how super awesome can I possible make this thing without breaking the bank (btw... I'm totally winning this battle). I've got origami flowers, really awesome photo pins, DIY save the dates, I've got the BEST alternative to the stupid bouquet toss and after a consultation with my decor guru Angie (a.k.a. my-soon-to-be-awesome-mother-in-law), I will have EPIC centerpieces.
This won't be a surprise when I tell you weddings are expensive! Like CRAZY expensive! When Zack and I sat down to discuss the wedding budget, we decided to splurge on two things: Photography and the DJ. Although I'd like to think we got REALLY great deals on both and the people we booked are pretty awesome.
Anyways, Zack and I really faced the question of how were we going to pay for this shindig. We have parental support but not a lot, which is fine. I never expected the 'rents to step up and pull out the credit cards.
If you've talked to me at all through this process, you know I've done everything to keep this wedding as cost effective as possible (except for my dress... I admit that got out of hand but in my defense, I look amazing).
Most of the wedding is DIY. It's incredibly cost effective and I really enjoy doing craft stuff. Example: The flowers for a wedding party of 15 (including ring bearer and flower girl) is roughly $75. Bonus: The flowers will literally last forever.
The save the dates were designed by yours truly and I got 250 for $28.50 (including shipping and taxes). Now granted, I don't need 250 but I saved almost $10 doing it that way, which can go toward something else.
Point is: I'm really coming way under what I budgeted for this stuff, which is good because I didn't realize how expensive postage would be. I bought 150 stamps and it cost me almost $60! HOLY POSTAGE STAMPS, BATMAN! That's more than 2x's what my save the dates cost!
Needless to say, I made a list of other costs I'm expecting so I'm not caught off guard. I knew stamps would be pricey but I wasn't expecting $60.
And Zack and I both work full-time so we have money coming in. Plus, I've been saving up for more than a year for this and so far, we're in really good shape for this. But I did have to get pretty creative because making sandwiches doesn't necessarily pay for the wedding of my dreams. I got a second job at the Halloween store last year and made close to $2000 in 3 months. And on top of the money I've been setting aside from each paycheck, I also found a way to bring in an extra $300 a month (at least, that's what I earned in January).
It's not Mary Kay or Scentsy or anything like that, I've been shopping! I know it sounds weird but there are literally companies out there that will pay you to go out and rate customer service, cleanliness, etc. It's called mystery shopping. I read about it on a blog last month and decided to give it a try. It was really nerve-wrecking at first because I felt everyone knew I was rating them but you get used to it. And after I calculated what I got paid in January, it came out to be roughly $292. I haven't gotten paid for February yet but if I'm right, it'll be right around $250. If you do the math, that's an extra $542 for my wedding in 2 MONTHS! My goal is to do enough to make around $250 a month, which in 10 months will give me an extra $2500 for the wedding! Thank you ladies and gents, I know I'm awesome.
At this point, I'm only cautiously optimistic about the mystery shop thing. It's been working out really well for the last two months but I don't want to count on it completely. I've been getting really good assignments but I've had to cancel quite a few. Between the harsh winter and work being a pain, it's been difficult to do. While I'm incredibly dedicated and a major overachiever, I'm worried they will get tired of me canceling and tell me to shove off. However, spring is approaching fast and work will be getting easier with the addition of new staff members, so I remain positive.
I know people are worried about how Zack and I will pay for our wedding and I understand completely. Some days I worry about it too but I'm INCREDIBLY determined this wedding will be paid for with absolutely NO DEBT! Since graduating college, the over achiever in me as been sitting dormant, waiting for the right time to rear it's proud, stubborn head. And my friends, it's been out in full force since day one. I'm finding ways to make sure I have the wedding I want without breaking the bank, all I ask is y'all trust me to do it.
Of course, if you would like to help with monetary donations, I'm always willing to accept. I may be stubborn and fiercely independent but I'm not an idiot.
Oh and you might be wondering about why I put the name of a famous children's game in my title. It's really quite simple: this hungry, hungry hippo is about to go mystery shop a restaurant!
P.S. If you want information on the mystery shopping stuff, let me know! And the best places don't require you to pay to sign up. They should be paying you to shop for them!
Ugh... some days I feel like it's all I can possibly think about.
I'll be at work making a turkey sandwich with mayo, lettuce and pickles wondering, "How would the groomsmen look in charcoal gray instead of black?" It's saddening to me, actually. I'm trying so hard NOT to become wedding obsessed because I feel like it's what the wedding industry from the black lagoon wants me to do. Meh, I should probably just admit the truth to everyone: I AM WEDDING OBSESSED! Absolutely wedding obsessed.
And I guess by all rights, I should be obsessed. What bride isn't obsessed with her wedding? It's the biggest day of your life. Although I think for most brides, they're obsessed with overall perfection. I'm obsessed with how super awesome can I possible make this thing without breaking the bank (btw... I'm totally winning this battle). I've got origami flowers, really awesome photo pins, DIY save the dates, I've got the BEST alternative to the stupid bouquet toss and after a consultation with my decor guru Angie (a.k.a. my-soon-to-be-awesome-mother-in-law), I will have EPIC centerpieces.
This won't be a surprise when I tell you weddings are expensive! Like CRAZY expensive! When Zack and I sat down to discuss the wedding budget, we decided to splurge on two things: Photography and the DJ. Although I'd like to think we got REALLY great deals on both and the people we booked are pretty awesome.
Anyways, Zack and I really faced the question of how were we going to pay for this shindig. We have parental support but not a lot, which is fine. I never expected the 'rents to step up and pull out the credit cards.
If you've talked to me at all through this process, you know I've done everything to keep this wedding as cost effective as possible (except for my dress... I admit that got out of hand but in my defense, I look amazing).
Most of the wedding is DIY. It's incredibly cost effective and I really enjoy doing craft stuff. Example: The flowers for a wedding party of 15 (including ring bearer and flower girl) is roughly $75. Bonus: The flowers will literally last forever.
The save the dates were designed by yours truly and I got 250 for $28.50 (including shipping and taxes). Now granted, I don't need 250 but I saved almost $10 doing it that way, which can go toward something else.
Point is: I'm really coming way under what I budgeted for this stuff, which is good because I didn't realize how expensive postage would be. I bought 150 stamps and it cost me almost $60! HOLY POSTAGE STAMPS, BATMAN! That's more than 2x's what my save the dates cost!
Needless to say, I made a list of other costs I'm expecting so I'm not caught off guard. I knew stamps would be pricey but I wasn't expecting $60.
And Zack and I both work full-time so we have money coming in. Plus, I've been saving up for more than a year for this and so far, we're in really good shape for this. But I did have to get pretty creative because making sandwiches doesn't necessarily pay for the wedding of my dreams. I got a second job at the Halloween store last year and made close to $2000 in 3 months. And on top of the money I've been setting aside from each paycheck, I also found a way to bring in an extra $300 a month (at least, that's what I earned in January).
It's not Mary Kay or Scentsy or anything like that, I've been shopping! I know it sounds weird but there are literally companies out there that will pay you to go out and rate customer service, cleanliness, etc. It's called mystery shopping. I read about it on a blog last month and decided to give it a try. It was really nerve-wrecking at first because I felt everyone knew I was rating them but you get used to it. And after I calculated what I got paid in January, it came out to be roughly $292. I haven't gotten paid for February yet but if I'm right, it'll be right around $250. If you do the math, that's an extra $542 for my wedding in 2 MONTHS! My goal is to do enough to make around $250 a month, which in 10 months will give me an extra $2500 for the wedding! Thank you ladies and gents, I know I'm awesome.
At this point, I'm only cautiously optimistic about the mystery shop thing. It's been working out really well for the last two months but I don't want to count on it completely. I've been getting really good assignments but I've had to cancel quite a few. Between the harsh winter and work being a pain, it's been difficult to do. While I'm incredibly dedicated and a major overachiever, I'm worried they will get tired of me canceling and tell me to shove off. However, spring is approaching fast and work will be getting easier with the addition of new staff members, so I remain positive.
I know people are worried about how Zack and I will pay for our wedding and I understand completely. Some days I worry about it too but I'm INCREDIBLY determined this wedding will be paid for with absolutely NO DEBT! Since graduating college, the over achiever in me as been sitting dormant, waiting for the right time to rear it's proud, stubborn head. And my friends, it's been out in full force since day one. I'm finding ways to make sure I have the wedding I want without breaking the bank, all I ask is y'all trust me to do it.
Of course, if you would like to help with monetary donations, I'm always willing to accept. I may be stubborn and fiercely independent but I'm not an idiot.
Oh and you might be wondering about why I put the name of a famous children's game in my title. It's really quite simple: this hungry, hungry hippo is about to go mystery shop a restaurant!
P.S. If you want information on the mystery shopping stuff, let me know! And the best places don't require you to pay to sign up. They should be paying you to shop for them!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Team Zalison: A Whimsical Smorgasbord
Interesting fun fact: Smorgasbord is the Swedish word for buffet. Trying saying it with a Swedish accent... really fun.
I don't have any other major weddings news other than we're sending our save the dates out in the next month. SO WATCH THOSE MAILBOXES! I know snail mail is pretty much an ancient art form these days but there is something magical about it.
My younger sister is home from college and helping me with wedding ideas. It's nice to bounce ideas off someone who's crazier than you. My older sister told me recently that she never knows what to expect from Kristin and I because we do seriously crazy things together.
My problem was (and still is) my plethora of ideas. I have SO many ideas I want to use, how do I narrow it down? Or can I use them all? Although the fear with the latter option is idea overload and my wedding becomes a hot mess. Kristin seemed to understand my problem. Although she didn't really help me narrow down my ideas, she did give me platform to express them.
After the obvious questions of where and when, the next biggest one I got asked was theme. What kind of theme did Alison want? What was my master vision for the wedding? Most of the time I said, "I don't have one yet." Although truthfully I was thinking, "My vision is one of pure epicness!"
I think weddings should be a reflection of the couple's personality. I like to think Zack and I are a fun couple so the wedding should be fun. Kristin wasn't sure what a fun theme meant so she helped me narrow it down further.
Her first choice was starry night. The theme fit our colors wonderfully (dark blue and silver) and the pictures were gorgeous. Can't go wrong with starry night because it's so utterly romantic, right? Well, it was just too sophisticated and it looked WAY too wintery. AND I LOATHE WINTER (I was going to use the word hate but it wasn't strong enough). Kristin didn't agree, arguing the cake could be done differently, but I stand by my choice.
Second choice was a traditional fall theme. The dark reds, yellow and oranges would be great, and the amount of fall decor would make decorations a snap. My Aunt Sandy joked we should just put a pumpkin on each table and call it a day. Eh... I don't really like pumpkins (unless it's pie) and the dresses are blue. I'm not sure how the reds and oranges would work. Plus, I'm not a typical bride so typical themes don't really do anything for me.
Third choice: MUSICALS! I was totally on-board for this one. The word love doesn't even begin to describe my relationship with musicals. However, the fall theme got more consideration because I remembered this is Zack's wedding too. He's not as quite into musicals (although I got him hooked on Singin' In the Rain, which is when I knew he was the one). He's actually mad at me because I lost my copy and he can't watch it. Outside of Singin In the Rain, his scope of enjoyable musicals is like 3 so that's a no.
The choice led to a discussion of what Zack likes, including sports. Kristin opened her mouth to say something about it and I said, "No!"
I shot down every idea Kristin gave me, which probably annoyed her. My Aunt Sandy stepped in at this point and said, "whimsy." Kristin and I looked at each other and (after getting a definition) decided it would work. To me, whimsy has always meant like cute woodland creatures and dancing merrily down a shady path. Although I do enjoy a merry dance, I didn't see the whole woodsy thing working. I like the outdoors but Zack isn't what I'd call an outdoorsy guy. He likes to fish and golf but at the end of the day, I think he'd rather be inside drinking a beer and watching baseball.
The definition of whimsy is "a playfully quaint or fanciful behavior or humor."
Bingo.
Kristin and I threw the word around for a couple of days trying to see if we could narrow it down further. There's a lot of DIY going into this thing. I'm a HUGE craft person so my wedding is a perfect time to showcase it. The invites, the centerpieces, the flowers... all DIY.
I told Kristin all of my ideas and asked her what it all meant. She says, "It's a whimsical smorgasbord."
Rock on.
My theme is a tastefully awesome whimsical smorgasbord of cuteness. That's my official title for it but for simplicity, we're calling it a whimiscal smorgasbord. I'm taking a lot of smaller ideas and tying them in to different parts of the wedding. And to you naysayers who are thinking, "This will be a mess," I laugh at you because I make messes work.
I know some of you are curious as too what's going through my brain for a whimsical smorgasbord. For now let's just say this: origami and superheroes.
Oh and my first act as a whimsical smogasbordian is creating my own hashtag (yes, I'm that wedding): #teamzalison.
I don't have any other major weddings news other than we're sending our save the dates out in the next month. SO WATCH THOSE MAILBOXES! I know snail mail is pretty much an ancient art form these days but there is something magical about it.
My younger sister is home from college and helping me with wedding ideas. It's nice to bounce ideas off someone who's crazier than you. My older sister told me recently that she never knows what to expect from Kristin and I because we do seriously crazy things together.
My problem was (and still is) my plethora of ideas. I have SO many ideas I want to use, how do I narrow it down? Or can I use them all? Although the fear with the latter option is idea overload and my wedding becomes a hot mess. Kristin seemed to understand my problem. Although she didn't really help me narrow down my ideas, she did give me platform to express them.
After the obvious questions of where and when, the next biggest one I got asked was theme. What kind of theme did Alison want? What was my master vision for the wedding? Most of the time I said, "I don't have one yet." Although truthfully I was thinking, "My vision is one of pure epicness!"
I think weddings should be a reflection of the couple's personality. I like to think Zack and I are a fun couple so the wedding should be fun. Kristin wasn't sure what a fun theme meant so she helped me narrow it down further.
Her first choice was starry night. The theme fit our colors wonderfully (dark blue and silver) and the pictures were gorgeous. Can't go wrong with starry night because it's so utterly romantic, right? Well, it was just too sophisticated and it looked WAY too wintery. AND I LOATHE WINTER (I was going to use the word hate but it wasn't strong enough). Kristin didn't agree, arguing the cake could be done differently, but I stand by my choice.
Second choice was a traditional fall theme. The dark reds, yellow and oranges would be great, and the amount of fall decor would make decorations a snap. My Aunt Sandy joked we should just put a pumpkin on each table and call it a day. Eh... I don't really like pumpkins (unless it's pie) and the dresses are blue. I'm not sure how the reds and oranges would work. Plus, I'm not a typical bride so typical themes don't really do anything for me.
Third choice: MUSICALS! I was totally on-board for this one. The word love doesn't even begin to describe my relationship with musicals. However, the fall theme got more consideration because I remembered this is Zack's wedding too. He's not as quite into musicals (although I got him hooked on Singin' In the Rain, which is when I knew he was the one). He's actually mad at me because I lost my copy and he can't watch it. Outside of Singin In the Rain, his scope of enjoyable musicals is like 3 so that's a no.
The choice led to a discussion of what Zack likes, including sports. Kristin opened her mouth to say something about it and I said, "No!"
I shot down every idea Kristin gave me, which probably annoyed her. My Aunt Sandy stepped in at this point and said, "whimsy." Kristin and I looked at each other and (after getting a definition) decided it would work. To me, whimsy has always meant like cute woodland creatures and dancing merrily down a shady path. Although I do enjoy a merry dance, I didn't see the whole woodsy thing working. I like the outdoors but Zack isn't what I'd call an outdoorsy guy. He likes to fish and golf but at the end of the day, I think he'd rather be inside drinking a beer and watching baseball.
The definition of whimsy is "a playfully quaint or fanciful behavior or humor."
Bingo.
Kristin and I threw the word around for a couple of days trying to see if we could narrow it down further. There's a lot of DIY going into this thing. I'm a HUGE craft person so my wedding is a perfect time to showcase it. The invites, the centerpieces, the flowers... all DIY.
I told Kristin all of my ideas and asked her what it all meant. She says, "It's a whimsical smorgasbord."
Rock on.
My theme is a tastefully awesome whimsical smorgasbord of cuteness. That's my official title for it but for simplicity, we're calling it a whimiscal smorgasbord. I'm taking a lot of smaller ideas and tying them in to different parts of the wedding. And to you naysayers who are thinking, "This will be a mess," I laugh at you because I make messes work.
I know some of you are curious as too what's going through my brain for a whimsical smorgasbord. For now let's just say this: origami and superheroes.
Oh and my first act as a whimsical smogasbordian is creating my own hashtag (yes, I'm that wedding): #teamzalison.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Weddings, Cakes and Rings... OH MY!
I admit I wanted to use something out of the Wizard of Oz for the blog title, but the only item listed that has relevance is weddings. My wedding, to be precise.
Zack and I FINALLY set a wedding date: October 18, 2014. A couple of people I know got married on this date and I did try to avoid it. However, two words should clear all this up for you EIU alums: Fall break! Our weekend is golden. Everyone leaves for this three-day weekend right after midterms. Holla.
The more I get into this planning process, the more intimidating it becomes. I will not lie, up until about 2 days ago, I didn't want the typical big wedding. A lot of people staring at me as I walk around in a very expensive but very awesome dress- didn't seem appealing. Then I booked the church, the reception hall and even got our minister... AND I WANT IT ALL! If there was a way to invite everyone I'd ever met, I totally would. However, the guest list needs to stay under 150 so my idea seems rather implausible. I've even succumbed to the one thing I never thought possible: chair covers. I want pretty blue chair covers with awesome chair sashes.
I don't, however, want to spend a large fortune on this thing. Don't get me wrong: it will the essence of Zack and Alison awesomeness, just affordable. I don't understand how people can spend $20,000+ on a wedding. The excuse "Oh, that's just normal," makes me want to puke. Coughing up a down payment on a house IS NOT NORMAL, especially for one day. I watched a wedding show where the budget for the wedding was $500,000!!!! And to make this even crazier, the couple said they had gone over that budget. Someone... anyone, please explain to me how that's even possible...
So here's a list of other mind-boggling things I've come across in my bridal journeys:
1. Calligraphers- I think calligraphy is gorgeous and I admit I have no talent. However, why do you need to hire an extra person to address your envelopes? Why can't you just take the time to do it yourself? They are ENVELOPES! Your guests are going to open the invitations and probably throw away the envelope. Think about it: when was the last time you saved an envelope? Probably never. And if you do have the money to afford a wedding extravaganza, why not just make your bridal party do it? Chances are the wedding party is big enough to do it without giving everyone carpal tunnel. Free labor, people. FREE. Those are my four favorite letters: F-R-E-E. (Look out bridesmaids, I have great plans for you).
2. Ugly bridesmaids dresses- The idea of having your bridesmaids look "uglier" than the bride is hogwash. Absolute hogwash.
Brides, please realize you will be looking at these pictures for the rest of your life. Sure, it's great that you look gorgeous but nobody will pay attention to you if your bridesmaids are in super ugly dresses. I'd be thinking about how bad I feel for those bridesmaids. I want pictures where everyone looks great, especially my bridesmaids. I want people to look at my pictures and go, "Hey, what a great looking wedding party."
My motto: If I have to look fabulous, then everyone else must too.
Remember that, people, it's going to be on the invitation. It's a requirement... Buy yourself a new dress, get your hair and/or nails done, then come party with me and my soon-to-be hubbie.
So ladies, get over yourselves and let your bridesmaids actually look beautiful. If they have the honor of standing along side you, then give them the honor of picking great dresses. This is even more important if they are paying for their dresses. It's almost cruel and unusual punishment... "Hey, I love you guys, now wear these ugly dresses and dance like a monkey...". And boy, I pray nightly I picked the right dresses. I love the dresses and the color. And as much as I told my bridesmaids to give me honest feedback, I don't know if they actually did. They might just be hiding the truth that they all hate it.
Oh and for the record, I've never hated a bridesmaids dress.
3. Bridezillas- For the most part, I've avoided this completely, which impresses my fiance and family. My sister told me her goal is to get some bridezilla out of me. Coming from my sister, this doesn't necessarily offend me because I tend to be easy-going about everything. If she wants to try, more power to her.
Although part of me wonders... She's my matron of honor, so wouldn't she want me to not be a bridezilla? True bridezillas make everyone miserable. Why would she want to be miserable for the next 10 months? I've been told true friends will suck it up but being a true friend means you don't make them.
Here's my thinking: Out of my 6th bridesmaids, three are married and I had the pleasure of being in all those wedding parties. Not one of them asked me to wear an ugly dress or do anything stupid. I offered my help in everything because I wanted too. Also, I knew someday soon, I would be asking them to stand with me. If I'm going to ask them to spend a bit of money on my wedding, the least I could do is be as helpful as possible.
I want to strangle true bridezillas. Stop making everyone miserable! The wedding is supposed to be a celebration not full of misery. Stop taking people for granted, stop being selfish and act like an adult! This is day is not just for you... it's for everyone. So sit down, drink some wine and shut up. The people around you have feelings. Important feelings. *grumble*
4. The garter/bouquet toss- This is going to step on a lot of toes (especially Zack's)... but I LOATHE this ritual. Who likes to be reminded at a wedding they're single? No one. So why torture them? I know I just talked about bridezillas but this might be one of my few bridezilla moves. I absolutely, 100% refuse to do this at my wedding. You literally have to drag people on to the floor to do this, it's terrible. I've never been to a wedding where women actually fought over a bouquet. I'm also acutely aware that most of the people attending my wedding will probably be married.
In fact, by my calculations, if 100% of my current guest list comes, only 8 ladies will get up for the bouquet toss (3 of them are bridesmaids). I'm not dragging people on the floor for something they don't want to do. It's painful.
There would be more guys for the garter toss. But that's so awkward, I'm not even going there.
I have an alternative, which would be super cute and super Zack and Alison. The tough part is selling it to everyone. Something about traditions... blah, blah, blah. I tune out after traditions because, honestly, I think this is one tradition I'm tossing (hahaha... I crack myself up).
Side note: I was going to add a chair covers blurb, but yea... I'm so totally getting those.
So these are the musings of a bride, who is apparently more traditional than originally planned, but that's ok.
Zack and I FINALLY set a wedding date: October 18, 2014. A couple of people I know got married on this date and I did try to avoid it. However, two words should clear all this up for you EIU alums: Fall break! Our weekend is golden. Everyone leaves for this three-day weekend right after midterms. Holla.
The more I get into this planning process, the more intimidating it becomes. I will not lie, up until about 2 days ago, I didn't want the typical big wedding. A lot of people staring at me as I walk around in a very expensive but very awesome dress- didn't seem appealing. Then I booked the church, the reception hall and even got our minister... AND I WANT IT ALL! If there was a way to invite everyone I'd ever met, I totally would. However, the guest list needs to stay under 150 so my idea seems rather implausible. I've even succumbed to the one thing I never thought possible: chair covers. I want pretty blue chair covers with awesome chair sashes.
I don't, however, want to spend a large fortune on this thing. Don't get me wrong: it will the essence of Zack and Alison awesomeness, just affordable. I don't understand how people can spend $20,000+ on a wedding. The excuse "Oh, that's just normal," makes me want to puke. Coughing up a down payment on a house IS NOT NORMAL, especially for one day. I watched a wedding show where the budget for the wedding was $500,000!!!! And to make this even crazier, the couple said they had gone over that budget. Someone... anyone, please explain to me how that's even possible...
So here's a list of other mind-boggling things I've come across in my bridal journeys:
1. Calligraphers- I think calligraphy is gorgeous and I admit I have no talent. However, why do you need to hire an extra person to address your envelopes? Why can't you just take the time to do it yourself? They are ENVELOPES! Your guests are going to open the invitations and probably throw away the envelope. Think about it: when was the last time you saved an envelope? Probably never. And if you do have the money to afford a wedding extravaganza, why not just make your bridal party do it? Chances are the wedding party is big enough to do it without giving everyone carpal tunnel. Free labor, people. FREE. Those are my four favorite letters: F-R-E-E. (Look out bridesmaids, I have great plans for you).
2. Ugly bridesmaids dresses- The idea of having your bridesmaids look "uglier" than the bride is hogwash. Absolute hogwash.
Brides, please realize you will be looking at these pictures for the rest of your life. Sure, it's great that you look gorgeous but nobody will pay attention to you if your bridesmaids are in super ugly dresses. I'd be thinking about how bad I feel for those bridesmaids. I want pictures where everyone looks great, especially my bridesmaids. I want people to look at my pictures and go, "Hey, what a great looking wedding party."
My motto: If I have to look fabulous, then everyone else must too.
Remember that, people, it's going to be on the invitation. It's a requirement... Buy yourself a new dress, get your hair and/or nails done, then come party with me and my soon-to-be hubbie.
So ladies, get over yourselves and let your bridesmaids actually look beautiful. If they have the honor of standing along side you, then give them the honor of picking great dresses. This is even more important if they are paying for their dresses. It's almost cruel and unusual punishment... "Hey, I love you guys, now wear these ugly dresses and dance like a monkey...". And boy, I pray nightly I picked the right dresses. I love the dresses and the color. And as much as I told my bridesmaids to give me honest feedback, I don't know if they actually did. They might just be hiding the truth that they all hate it.
Oh and for the record, I've never hated a bridesmaids dress.
3. Bridezillas- For the most part, I've avoided this completely, which impresses my fiance and family. My sister told me her goal is to get some bridezilla out of me. Coming from my sister, this doesn't necessarily offend me because I tend to be easy-going about everything. If she wants to try, more power to her.
Although part of me wonders... She's my matron of honor, so wouldn't she want me to not be a bridezilla? True bridezillas make everyone miserable. Why would she want to be miserable for the next 10 months? I've been told true friends will suck it up but being a true friend means you don't make them.
Here's my thinking: Out of my 6th bridesmaids, three are married and I had the pleasure of being in all those wedding parties. Not one of them asked me to wear an ugly dress or do anything stupid. I offered my help in everything because I wanted too. Also, I knew someday soon, I would be asking them to stand with me. If I'm going to ask them to spend a bit of money on my wedding, the least I could do is be as helpful as possible.
I want to strangle true bridezillas. Stop making everyone miserable! The wedding is supposed to be a celebration not full of misery. Stop taking people for granted, stop being selfish and act like an adult! This is day is not just for you... it's for everyone. So sit down, drink some wine and shut up. The people around you have feelings. Important feelings. *grumble*
4. The garter/bouquet toss- This is going to step on a lot of toes (especially Zack's)... but I LOATHE this ritual. Who likes to be reminded at a wedding they're single? No one. So why torture them? I know I just talked about bridezillas but this might be one of my few bridezilla moves. I absolutely, 100% refuse to do this at my wedding. You literally have to drag people on to the floor to do this, it's terrible. I've never been to a wedding where women actually fought over a bouquet. I'm also acutely aware that most of the people attending my wedding will probably be married.
In fact, by my calculations, if 100% of my current guest list comes, only 8 ladies will get up for the bouquet toss (3 of them are bridesmaids). I'm not dragging people on the floor for something they don't want to do. It's painful.
There would be more guys for the garter toss. But that's so awkward, I'm not even going there.
I have an alternative, which would be super cute and super Zack and Alison. The tough part is selling it to everyone. Something about traditions... blah, blah, blah. I tune out after traditions because, honestly, I think this is one tradition I'm tossing (hahaha... I crack myself up).
Side note: I was going to add a chair covers blurb, but yea... I'm so totally getting those.
So these are the musings of a bride, who is apparently more traditional than originally planned, but that's ok.
Monday, June 24, 2013
I have a bad case of the "I DON'T WANTS!" AH!
I'm an incredibly indecisive person.
If you've known me for any length of time, you've come to realize that outside of work, I really can't make a decision. If I go to a restaurant I will stare at the menu of a LONG time. I decided recently this is mostly because I don't want to miss out on "the perfect meal". I must sit and ponder what my stomach is really craving... Steak or chicken? Mashed potatoes or salad? Coke or lemonade? The innumerable choices on any given menu leaves me utterly stumped.
If this is really going to be my last meal, I wonder, do I really want to eat a salad? Or will the mashed potatoes fill me up too quickly? If I want dessert, then I should order the salad. But I do love potatoes... Oh! Look at the picture of the chicken marsala! If I wasn't getting the steak, I'd probably order that but wait... Do I really want steak?
This is pretty much my thought process... for every decision in my life. There only a couple of decisions in my life that have been super easy:
1. Saying YES to my fiance!
2. Deciding to attend EIU.
3. Saying yes to any trip ever suggested to me
4. Deciding on the iPhone 5
I'm probably over-exaggerating but only slightly, I really suck at decision-making. This is where planning a wedding gets SERIOUSLY difficult. There are so many decisions that have to be made! SO MANY! It's enough to blow your mind... I don't think any girl truly understands how many choices there are until she's faced with her own wedding. Sure, I've seen two best friends and a sister go through this process but you never truly understand it until it's your turn.
I tell everyone that I'm not super picky about my wedding but truly, I think it's ruse because I can feel myself being SUPER picky. I don't want it at location A because it looks too much like the banquet hall from the black lagoon. However, I do like location B but the door knobs are just ugly AND I CAN'T HAVE UGLY DOOR KNOBS!!!!
I can feel it... I'm submitting to bridal mania... the very thing that I don't want to do.
I don't want to be a Bridezilla. I don't want my wedding party to hate me. I don't want my fiance to wonder why he even asked to marry me. And most importantly, I don't want to ruin my wedding day by worrying too much about the "I don't wants."
I've only been engaged (how come no one ever tells you how fun it is to be engaged?! THIS ROCKS!) for two months and I've decided to focus on what I do want.
1. I want to marry Zachary Tyler Doiron some time next year because he looks REALLY good in a tux.
2. I want to wear a pretty white dress because I can.
3. I want everyone to look as fabulous as me.
4. I want our community to come together and celebrate our commitment to each other and God.
5. Last but not least, I want to dance. A lot.
If I've met this list by the time our wedding ends, it will be a perfect. And I'm totally aware that EVERY OTHER WEDDING BLOG talks about this mumbo-jumbo. I've read enough wedding blogs to make your eyes swell shut. However, I'm SO focused on what I don't want, I'm forgetting what is truly important here. A marriage isn't just a big white wedding...
I'm sure I'll make some decisions that make people raise their eyebrows. I like traditions but they're meant to broken, right? I might put Team Zalison on the invites... gasp! I want to be married outside. Churches are great but I've always believed God isn't confined to a church... so why should my wedding be? And I have the BEST idea for a guestbook.
And I thought I'd include this for your reading pleasure:
Zack's list of wedding priorities:
1. He wants to wear a tux
2. He wants to eat food and drink beer
3. He wants to dance with me.
He's sure easy to please!
If you've known me for any length of time, you've come to realize that outside of work, I really can't make a decision. If I go to a restaurant I will stare at the menu of a LONG time. I decided recently this is mostly because I don't want to miss out on "the perfect meal". I must sit and ponder what my stomach is really craving... Steak or chicken? Mashed potatoes or salad? Coke or lemonade? The innumerable choices on any given menu leaves me utterly stumped.
If this is really going to be my last meal, I wonder, do I really want to eat a salad? Or will the mashed potatoes fill me up too quickly? If I want dessert, then I should order the salad. But I do love potatoes... Oh! Look at the picture of the chicken marsala! If I wasn't getting the steak, I'd probably order that but wait... Do I really want steak?
This is pretty much my thought process... for every decision in my life. There only a couple of decisions in my life that have been super easy:
1. Saying YES to my fiance!
2. Deciding to attend EIU.
3. Saying yes to any trip ever suggested to me
4. Deciding on the iPhone 5
I'm probably over-exaggerating but only slightly, I really suck at decision-making. This is where planning a wedding gets SERIOUSLY difficult. There are so many decisions that have to be made! SO MANY! It's enough to blow your mind... I don't think any girl truly understands how many choices there are until she's faced with her own wedding. Sure, I've seen two best friends and a sister go through this process but you never truly understand it until it's your turn.
I tell everyone that I'm not super picky about my wedding but truly, I think it's ruse because I can feel myself being SUPER picky. I don't want it at location A because it looks too much like the banquet hall from the black lagoon. However, I do like location B but the door knobs are just ugly AND I CAN'T HAVE UGLY DOOR KNOBS!!!!
I can feel it... I'm submitting to bridal mania... the very thing that I don't want to do.
I don't want to be a Bridezilla. I don't want my wedding party to hate me. I don't want my fiance to wonder why he even asked to marry me. And most importantly, I don't want to ruin my wedding day by worrying too much about the "I don't wants."
I've only been engaged (how come no one ever tells you how fun it is to be engaged?! THIS ROCKS!) for two months and I've decided to focus on what I do want.
1. I want to marry Zachary Tyler Doiron some time next year because he looks REALLY good in a tux.
2. I want to wear a pretty white dress because I can.
3. I want everyone to look as fabulous as me.
4. I want our community to come together and celebrate our commitment to each other and God.
5. Last but not least, I want to dance. A lot.
If I've met this list by the time our wedding ends, it will be a perfect. And I'm totally aware that EVERY OTHER WEDDING BLOG talks about this mumbo-jumbo. I've read enough wedding blogs to make your eyes swell shut. However, I'm SO focused on what I don't want, I'm forgetting what is truly important here. A marriage isn't just a big white wedding...
I'm sure I'll make some decisions that make people raise their eyebrows. I like traditions but they're meant to broken, right? I might put Team Zalison on the invites... gasp! I want to be married outside. Churches are great but I've always believed God isn't confined to a church... so why should my wedding be? And I have the BEST idea for a guestbook.
And I thought I'd include this for your reading pleasure:
Zack's list of wedding priorities:
1. He wants to wear a tux
2. He wants to eat food and drink beer
3. He wants to dance with me.
He's sure easy to please!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Travel! NOW!
So in honor of Mardi Gras, I've decided to write about traveling. I LOVE to travel. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! Seeing new places and experiencing new things just makes me SUPER happy. If you know me at all, you know I've been many places. And as of June 2011, I added Europe to my list of adventures (best 3 weeks ever!). I know I'm not the most traveled person and I'm not the best traveler. I have a very hard time sleeping in other places (ask Tracie and Kristin about Europe) so I've started using sleep aids when I go places. But today I want to make a case about why you should stop making excuses and just go.
Probably the biggest reason people don't travel is money. And I totally get this. I made a little over $16,000 last year and I've got an astronomical amount of student loans to pay off. When I went to Europe, I had $200 to my name and no job. None! And when I got back I was unemployed for another 2 months before finding a seasonal job at a Halloween store (which ended in November). And I still had loans to pay. It wasn't a great time for me, I admit but I had people looking out for me. Looking back, financially I shouldn't have been going anywhere but I did. If I can travel broke, you can too. You don't come back with much in terms of souvenirs but as long as you have a camera and a notebook, memories are better than souvenirs anyway. Key is to also eat small, healthy and drink a lot of water. I drank more water in those three weeks than probably all my years prior. Italy has delicious water, btw. But seriously, you can travel cheap, it just takes research and patience. Camping... great way to save money. Nichole and I did it for Yellowstone and we didn't have to bring a tent. We stayed in a tipi, a little more expensive but you don't have to worry about set up or tear down. Don't like planes... Amtrak has become much more reliable in recent years and they go pretty much everywhere and we have buses, which go places Amtrak doesn't.
This wonderful photo of my friend, Beth, was taken at Foamhenge. A totally free, totally cheesy tourism sight in Virginia. I found it on Roadside America and said we had to go. It was super fun! Another really good idea is to check out the local colleges, especially if you're heading to the east coast or south. The colleges are some times older than most of the city and have cool buildings you can walk around in for free!
So the money excuse isn't generally valid. I make less than a lot of you, pretty much owe enough money for halfway decent house and I still travel. All I'm saying here is you can owe money and still travel smart and cheap. I did some traveling as a kid but didn't really catch the "bug" until my aunt took Kristin and I to Washington D.C. in Spring 2001. Yes, I was in D.C. 6 months before 9/11 and since going back, I could definitely tell you the huge differences.
Another argument you might have is... "Well, I don't have anyone to go with." Uh... hello? Did you not hear the part where I LOVE to travel? Invite me, I'll come... your excuse is invalid.
Now here's one I've been trying to tackle for 4 years. My wonderful boyfriend is a bonafide homebody. He's not a big traveler and would rather spend time at home in a place he's comfortable. The comfort zone argument is by far the most challenging one because I can't force you to step out. I can't hold a gun to your head and say "TRAVEL OR ELSE!" For the last four years, I've been trying to get him to come with me on my adventures. Every time it's been no for some ridiculous reason. After year 2, I realized it's because he's a homebody. I think I've FINALLY gotten him to commit to a trip next year and I'm crossing my fingers he stays the course.
The year I went to Virginia, I forced Zack to go somewhere for spring break. If we get married, I didn't want to be the one with all the traveling stories. He needs some too. I told him alternative spring break was a great option because he could go somewhere for a week for $120, with everything paid for and do something useful. He went to Florida and helped with a Nature Conservancy project. He was really nervous at first but he came back and showed me ALL kinds of photos. He had stories to tell and had the BEST time! I think what really got him to commit was his best friend Patrick was leading the trip. I think I asked Patrick to help me convince him.
See? Even homebody's can have the time of their lives!
I think it's easier to travel with someone who's been around the block a couple of times because they've handled the really uncomfortable situations. If things so seriously wrong, they are more likely to have a level head when you're on the other side of the country. Patrick had been on alternative spring break before and knew what to expect, therefore able to help prepare my nervous boyfriend for the trip. So if you're really worried about traveling, take an experienced traveler with you (like me!). It will help. For our Europe trip, Kristin and I had NEVER been out of the country before. Tracie, who has been out of the country (Canada, Mexico and Jamaica still count), was the anchor of our trip. Kristin and I were fish out of water but Tracie really kept me calm (Kristin's a different story but we brought her home alive). It's scary traveling and everyone's nervous. I still get sweaty palms during take off and I HAVE to be looking out a window. I can't stress this enough, if you've never been overseas talk to people who have. They can give you good pointers and be a reference. My aunt Sandy is my go to person for traveling, she travels A LOT.
So travel... any excuse you can possibly come up with is probably invalid. I can and will find an argument to prove you wrong. Medical issues can be tricky but if you plan it right, you can still do it. My grandfather went to Texas to visit my aunt Sandy while he needed dialysis 3 days a week. I wear a fake leg and spent 3 weeks in Europe. My amazing grandmother travels quite frequently with my aunt. I get to be her travel buddy next month when we go to San Antonio to visit Aunt Sandy (super excited!).
I can't stress enough how much the memories will be worth it. The pictures and stories you'll be able to tell your family and kids are priceless. And international travel is great and pretty life changing, but don't forget what's in your own backyard. The U.S. has amazing cities and national parks. How can enjoy looking at the beauty of the mountains abroad, if you never seen the Rockies? I've seen the Alps and I know how amazing they are, simply because I saw the Rockies first. I feel you're able to enjoy the sites abroad better if you've seen the sites in your own country. So go travel, go places I've never been and may never see. Build your travel wishlist and go tackle it. We live in a country where we work too hard, don't get paid enough and take simple things for granted. Traveling allows us to step back, appreciate the small things and build memories that last longer than a ridiculous staff meeting you had last week.
You will never regret traveling. I spent 4 hours on a plane with the stomach flu and altitude sickness... And I don't regret that trip to Yellowstone at all. You get one shot on this earth so you might as well soak up as much of it as you can while you're here. Because you're not going to see any of this by looking out your window.
Yellowstone
Ok... technically not Yellowstone but on the way there.
Old Faithful
Amazing views...
Some of the world's best scenery.
Europe
Dublin Castle
Leaning Tower of Pisa
Arno River- Florence, Italy
A pretty canal- Venice, Italy
Chateau Chambord- Loire Valley, France
"Pemberley" a.ka. Lyme Park- Stockport, England
Buckingham Palace- London, England
Traveling is really up to you. You can either sit at home and watch the world pass you by... or you can go out and see it!
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