Team Zalison: A Whimsical Smorgasbord

Interesting fun fact: Smorgasbord is the Swedish word for buffet. Trying saying it with a Swedish accent... really fun.

I don't have any other major weddings news other than we're sending our save the dates out in the next month. SO WATCH THOSE MAILBOXES! I know snail mail is pretty much an ancient art form these days but there is something magical about it.

My younger sister is home from college and helping me with wedding ideas. It's nice to bounce ideas off someone who's crazier than you. My older sister told me recently that she never knows what to expect from Kristin and I because we do seriously crazy things together.

My problem was (and still is) my plethora of ideas. I have SO many ideas I want to use, how do I narrow it down? Or can I use them all? Although the fear with the latter option is idea overload and my wedding becomes a hot mess. Kristin seemed to understand my problem. Although she didn't really help me narrow down my ideas, she did give me platform to express them.

After the obvious questions of where and when, the next biggest one I got asked was theme. What kind of theme did Alison want? What was my master vision for the wedding? Most of the time I said, "I don't have one yet." Although truthfully I was thinking, "My vision is one of pure epicness!"

I think weddings should be a reflection of the couple's personality. I like to think Zack and I are a fun couple so the wedding should be fun. Kristin wasn't sure what a fun theme meant so she helped me narrow it down further.

Her first choice was starry night. The theme fit our colors wonderfully (dark blue and silver) and the pictures were gorgeous. Can't go wrong with starry night because it's so utterly romantic, right? Well, it was just too sophisticated and it looked WAY too wintery. AND I LOATHE WINTER (I was going to use the word hate but it wasn't strong enough). Kristin didn't agree, arguing the cake could be done differently, but I stand by my choice.

Second choice was a traditional fall theme. The dark reds, yellow and oranges would be great, and the amount of fall decor would make decorations a snap. My Aunt Sandy joked we should just put a pumpkin on each table and call it a day. Eh... I don't really like pumpkins (unless it's pie) and the dresses are blue. I'm not sure how the reds and oranges would work. Plus, I'm not a typical bride so typical themes don't really do anything for me.

Third choice: MUSICALS! I was totally on-board for this one. The word love doesn't even begin to describe my relationship with musicals. However, the fall theme got more consideration because I remembered this is Zack's wedding too. He's not as quite into musicals (although I got him hooked on Singin' In the Rain, which is when I knew he was the one). He's actually mad at me because I lost my copy and he can't watch it. Outside of Singin In the Rain, his scope of enjoyable musicals is like 3 so that's a no.

The choice led to a discussion of what Zack likes, including sports. Kristin opened her mouth to say something about it and I said, "No!"

I shot down every idea Kristin gave me, which probably annoyed her. My Aunt Sandy stepped in at this point and said, "whimsy." Kristin and I looked at each other and (after getting a definition) decided it would work. To me, whimsy has always meant like cute woodland creatures and dancing merrily down a shady path. Although I do enjoy a merry dance, I didn't see the whole woodsy thing working. I like the outdoors but Zack isn't what I'd call an outdoorsy guy. He likes to fish and golf but at the end of the day, I think he'd rather be inside drinking a beer and watching baseball.

The definition of whimsy is "a playfully quaint or fanciful behavior or humor."

Bingo.

Kristin and I threw the word around for a couple of days trying to see if we could narrow it down further. There's a lot of DIY going into this thing. I'm a HUGE craft person so my wedding is a perfect time to showcase it. The invites, the centerpieces, the flowers... all DIY.

I told Kristin all of my ideas and asked her what it all meant. She says, "It's a whimsical smorgasbord."

Rock on.

My theme is a tastefully awesome whimsical smorgasbord of cuteness. That's my official title for it but for simplicity, we're calling it a whimiscal smorgasbord. I'm taking a lot of smaller ideas and tying them in to different parts of the wedding. And to you naysayers who are thinking, "This will be a mess," I laugh at you because I make messes work.


I know some of you are curious as too what's going through my brain for a whimsical smorgasbord. For now let's just say this: origami and superheroes.

Oh and my first act as a whimsical smogasbordian is creating my own hashtag (yes, I'm that wedding): #teamzalison.

Weddings, Cakes and Rings... OH MY!

I admit I wanted to use something out of the Wizard of Oz for the blog title, but the only item listed that has relevance is weddings. My wedding, to be precise.

Zack and I FINALLY set a wedding date: October 18, 2014. A couple of people I know got married on this date and I did try to avoid it. However, two words should clear all this up for you EIU alums: Fall break! Our weekend is golden. Everyone leaves for this three-day weekend right after midterms. Holla.

The more I get into this planning process, the more intimidating it becomes. I will not lie, up until about 2 days ago, I didn't want the typical big wedding. A lot of people staring at me as I walk around in a very expensive but very awesome dress- didn't seem appealing. Then I booked the church, the reception hall and even got our minister... AND I WANT IT ALL! If there was a way to invite everyone I'd ever met, I totally would. However, the guest list needs to stay under 150 so my idea seems rather implausible. I've even succumbed to the one thing I never thought possible: chair covers. I want pretty blue chair covers with awesome chair sashes.

I don't, however, want to spend a large fortune on this thing. Don't get me wrong: it will the essence of Zack and Alison awesomeness, just affordable. I don't understand how people can spend $20,000+ on a wedding. The excuse "Oh, that's just normal," makes me want to puke. Coughing up a down payment on a house IS NOT NORMAL, especially for one day. I watched a wedding show where the budget for the wedding was $500,000!!!! And to make this even crazier, the couple said they had gone over that budget. Someone... anyone, please explain to me how that's even possible...

So here's a list of other mind-boggling things I've come across in my bridal journeys:

1. Calligraphers- I think calligraphy is gorgeous and I admit I have no talent. However, why do you need to hire an extra person to address your envelopes? Why can't you just take the time to do it yourself? They are ENVELOPES! Your guests are going to open the invitations and probably throw away the envelope. Think about it: when was the last time you saved an envelope? Probably never. And if you do have the money to afford a wedding extravaganza, why not just make your bridal party do it? Chances are the wedding party is big enough to do it without giving everyone carpal tunnel. Free labor, people. FREE. Those are my four favorite letters: F-R-E-E. (Look out bridesmaids, I have great plans for you).

2. Ugly bridesmaids dresses- The idea of having your bridesmaids look "uglier" than the bride is hogwash. Absolute hogwash.

Brides, please realize you will be looking at these pictures for the rest of your life. Sure, it's great that you look gorgeous but nobody will pay attention to you if your bridesmaids are in super ugly dresses. I'd be thinking about how bad I feel for those bridesmaids. I want pictures where everyone looks great, especially my bridesmaids. I want people to look at my pictures and go, "Hey, what a great looking wedding party."

My motto: If I have to look fabulous, then everyone else must too.

Remember that, people, it's going to be on the invitation. It's a requirement... Buy yourself a new dress, get your hair and/or nails done, then come party with me and my soon-to-be hubbie.

So ladies, get over yourselves and let your bridesmaids actually look beautiful. If they have the honor of standing along side you, then give them the honor of picking great dresses. This is even more important if they are paying for their dresses. It's almost cruel and unusual punishment... "Hey, I love you guys, now wear these ugly dresses and dance like a monkey...". And boy, I pray nightly I picked the right dresses. I love the dresses and the color. And as much as I told my bridesmaids to give me honest feedback, I don't know if they actually did. They might just be hiding the truth that they all hate it.

Oh and for the record, I've never hated a bridesmaids dress.

3. Bridezillas- For the most part, I've avoided this completely, which impresses my fiance and family. My sister told me her goal is to get some bridezilla out of me. Coming from my sister, this doesn't necessarily offend me because I tend to be easy-going about everything. If she wants to try, more power to her.

Although part of me wonders... She's my matron of honor, so wouldn't she want me to not be a bridezilla? True bridezillas make everyone miserable. Why would she want to be miserable for the next 10 months? I've been told true friends will suck it up but being a true friend means you don't make them.

Here's my thinking: Out of my 6th bridesmaids, three are married and I had the pleasure of being in  all those wedding parties. Not one of them asked me to wear an ugly dress or do anything stupid. I offered my help in everything because I wanted too. Also, I knew someday soon, I would be asking them to stand with me. If I'm going to ask them to spend a bit of money on my wedding, the least I could do is be as helpful as possible.

I want to strangle true bridezillas. Stop making everyone miserable! The wedding is supposed to be a celebration not full of misery. Stop taking people for granted, stop being selfish and act like an adult! This is day is not just for you... it's for everyone. So sit down, drink some wine and shut up. The people around you have feelings. Important feelings. *grumble*


4. The garter/bouquet toss- This is going to step on a lot of toes (especially Zack's)... but I LOATHE this ritual. Who likes to be reminded at a wedding they're single? No one. So why torture them? I know I just talked about bridezillas but this might be one of my few bridezilla moves. I absolutely, 100% refuse to do this at my wedding. You literally have to drag people on to the floor to do this, it's terrible. I've never been to a wedding where women actually fought over a bouquet. I'm also acutely aware that most of the people attending my wedding will probably be married.

In fact, by my calculations, if 100% of my current guest list comes, only 8 ladies will get up for the bouquet toss (3 of them are bridesmaids). I'm not dragging people on the floor for something they don't want to do. It's painful.

There would be more guys for the garter toss. But that's so awkward, I'm not even going there.

I have an alternative, which would be super cute and super Zack and Alison. The tough part is selling it to everyone. Something about traditions... blah, blah, blah. I tune out after traditions because, honestly, I think this is one tradition I'm tossing (hahaha... I crack myself up).

Side note: I was going to add a chair covers blurb, but yea... I'm so totally getting those.

So these are the musings of a bride, who is apparently more traditional than originally planned, but that's ok.

I have a bad case of the "I DON'T WANTS!" AH!

I'm an incredibly indecisive person.

If you've known me for any length of time, you've come to realize that outside of work, I really can't make a decision. If I go to a restaurant I will stare at the menu of a LONG time. I decided recently this is mostly because I don't want to miss out on "the perfect meal". I must sit and ponder what my stomach is really craving... Steak or chicken? Mashed potatoes or salad? Coke or lemonade? The innumerable choices on any given menu leaves me utterly stumped.

 If this is really going to be my last meal, I wonder, do I really want to eat a salad? Or will the mashed potatoes fill me up too quickly? If I want dessert, then I should order the salad. But I do love potatoes... Oh! Look at the picture of the chicken marsala! If I wasn't getting the steak, I'd probably order that but wait... Do I really want steak?

This is pretty much my thought process... for every decision in my life. There only a couple of decisions in my life that have been super easy:

1. Saying YES to my fiance!
2. Deciding to attend EIU.
3. Saying yes to any trip ever suggested to me
4. Deciding on the iPhone 5

I'm probably over-exaggerating but only slightly, I really suck at decision-making. This is where planning a wedding gets SERIOUSLY difficult. There are so many decisions that have to be made! SO MANY! It's enough to blow your mind... I don't think any girl truly understands how many choices there are until she's faced with her own wedding. Sure, I've seen two best friends and a sister go through this process but you never truly understand it until it's your turn.

I tell everyone that I'm not super picky about my wedding but truly, I think it's ruse because I can feel myself being SUPER picky. I don't want it at location A because it looks too much like the banquet hall from the black lagoon. However, I do like location B but the door knobs are just ugly AND I CAN'T HAVE UGLY DOOR KNOBS!!!!

I can feel it... I'm submitting to bridal mania... the very thing that I don't want to do.

I don't want to be a Bridezilla. I don't want my wedding party to hate me. I don't want my fiance to wonder why he even asked to marry me. And most importantly, I don't want to ruin my wedding day by worrying too much about the "I don't wants."

I've only been engaged (how come no one ever tells you how fun it is to be engaged?! THIS ROCKS!) for two months and I've decided to focus on what I do want.

1. I want to marry Zachary Tyler Doiron some time next year because he looks REALLY good in a tux.
2. I want to wear a pretty white dress because I can.
3. I want everyone to look as fabulous as me.
4. I want our community to come together and celebrate our commitment to each other and God.
5. Last but not least, I want to dance. A lot.

If I've met this list by the time our wedding ends, it will be a perfect. And I'm totally aware that EVERY OTHER WEDDING BLOG talks about this mumbo-jumbo. I've read enough wedding blogs to make your eyes swell shut. However, I'm SO focused on what I don't want, I'm forgetting what is truly important here. A marriage isn't just a big white wedding...

I'm sure I'll make some decisions that make people raise their eyebrows. I like traditions but they're meant to broken, right? I might put Team Zalison on the invites... gasp! I want to be married outside. Churches are great but I've always believed God isn't confined to a church... so why should my wedding be? And I have the BEST idea for a guestbook.

And I thought I'd include this for your reading pleasure:

Zack's list of wedding priorities:

1. He wants to wear a tux
2. He wants to eat food and drink beer
3. He wants to dance with me.

He's sure easy to please!

Travel! NOW!

So in honor of Mardi Gras, I've decided to write about traveling. I LOVE to travel. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! Seeing new places and experiencing new things just makes me SUPER happy. If you know me at all, you know I've been many places. And as of June 2011, I added Europe to my list of adventures (best 3 weeks ever!). I know I'm not the most traveled person and I'm not the best traveler. I have a very hard time sleeping in other places (ask Tracie and Kristin about Europe) so I've started using sleep aids when I go places. But today I want to make a case about why you should stop making excuses and just go.

Probably the biggest reason people don't travel is money. And I totally get this. I made a little over $16,000 last year and I've got an astronomical amount of student loans to pay off. When I went to Europe, I had $200 to my name and no job. None! And when I got back I was unemployed for another 2 months before finding a seasonal job at a Halloween store (which ended in November). And I still had loans to pay. It wasn't a great time for me, I admit but I had people looking out for me. Looking back, financially I shouldn't have been going anywhere but I did. If I can travel broke, you can too. You don't come back with much in terms of souvenirs but as long as you have a camera and a notebook, memories are better than souvenirs anyway. Key is to also eat small, healthy and drink a lot of water. I drank more water in those three weeks than probably all my years prior. Italy has delicious water, btw. But seriously, you can travel cheap, it just takes research and patience. Camping... great way to save money. Nichole and I did it for Yellowstone and we didn't have to bring a tent. We stayed in a tipi, a little more expensive but you don't have to worry about set up or tear down. Don't like planes... Amtrak has become much more reliable in recent years and they go pretty much everywhere and we have buses, which go places Amtrak doesn't.

Does traveling require money? Yes. But it doesn't have to require a lot of money. And many cities have tourism bureaus, who are there to help you AND GUESS WHAT? They can tell you about FREE STUFF to do! Nichole and I rely on this heavily. We LOVE free stuff. And one of my favorite travel sites is Roadside America. Now granted it is generally for road trips BUT if you type in your destination, it will give you a list of fun (although some times cheesy) stuff to see. Plus, a lot of the stuff is free. And despite what you think, seeing the really cheesy stuff sometimes make the best memories.

This wonderful photo of my friend, Beth, was taken at Foamhenge. A totally free, totally cheesy tourism sight in Virginia. I found it on Roadside America and said we had to go. It was super fun! Another really good idea is to check out the local colleges, especially if you're heading to the east coast or south. The colleges are some times older than most of the city and have cool buildings you can walk around in for free!

So the money excuse isn't generally valid. I make less than a lot of you, pretty much owe enough money for halfway decent house and I still travel. All I'm saying here is you can owe money and still travel smart and cheap. I did some traveling as a kid but didn't really catch the "bug" until my aunt took Kristin and I to Washington D.C. in Spring 2001. Yes, I was in D.C. 6 months before 9/11 and since going back, I could definitely tell you the huge differences.

Another argument you might have is... "Well, I don't have anyone to go with." Uh... hello? Did you not hear the part where I LOVE to travel? Invite me, I'll come... your excuse is invalid.

Now here's one I've been trying to tackle for 4 years. My wonderful boyfriend is a bonafide homebody. He's not a big traveler and would rather spend time at home in a place he's comfortable. The comfort zone argument is by far the most challenging one because I can't force you to step out. I can't hold a gun to your head and say "TRAVEL OR ELSE!" For the last four years, I've been trying to get him to come with me on my adventures. Every time it's been no for some ridiculous reason. After year 2, I realized it's because he's a homebody. I think I've FINALLY gotten him to commit to a trip next year and I'm crossing my fingers he stays the course.

The year I went to Virginia, I forced Zack to go somewhere for spring break. If we get married, I didn't want to be the one with all the traveling stories. He needs some too. I told him alternative spring break was a great option because he could go somewhere for a week for $120, with everything paid for and do something useful. He went to Florida and helped with a Nature Conservancy project. He was really nervous at first but he came back and showed me ALL kinds of photos. He had stories to tell and had the BEST time! I think what really got him to commit was his best friend Patrick was leading the trip. I think I asked Patrick to help me convince him.

See? Even homebody's can have the time of their lives!

I think it's easier to travel with someone who's been around the block a couple of times because they've handled the really uncomfortable situations. If things so seriously wrong, they are more likely to have a level head when you're on the other side of the country. Patrick had been on alternative spring break before and knew what to expect, therefore able to help prepare my nervous boyfriend for the trip. So if you're really worried about traveling, take an experienced traveler with you (like me!). It will help. For our Europe trip, Kristin and I had NEVER been out of the country before. Tracie, who has been out of the country (Canada, Mexico and Jamaica still count), was the anchor of our trip. Kristin and I were fish out of water but Tracie really kept me calm (Kristin's a different story but we brought her home alive). It's scary traveling and everyone's nervous. I still get sweaty palms during take off and I HAVE to be looking out a window. I can't stress this enough, if you've never been overseas talk to people who have. They can give you good pointers and be a reference. My aunt Sandy is my go to person for traveling, she travels A LOT.

So travel... any excuse you can possibly come up with is probably invalid. I can and will find an argument to prove you wrong. Medical issues can be tricky but if you plan it right, you can still do it. My grandfather went to Texas to visit my aunt Sandy while he needed dialysis 3 days a week. I wear a fake leg and spent 3 weeks in Europe. My amazing grandmother travels quite frequently with my aunt. I get to be her travel buddy next month when we go to San Antonio to visit Aunt Sandy (super excited!).

I can't stress enough how much the memories will be worth it. The pictures and stories you'll be able to tell your family and kids are priceless. And international travel is great and pretty life changing, but don't forget what's in your own backyard. The U.S. has amazing cities and national parks. How can enjoy looking at the beauty of the mountains abroad, if you never seen the Rockies? I've seen the Alps and I know how amazing they are, simply because I saw the Rockies first. I feel you're able to enjoy the sites abroad better if you've seen the sites in your own country. So go travel, go places I've never been and may never see. Build your travel wishlist and go tackle it. We live in a country where we work too hard, don't get paid enough and take simple things for granted. Traveling allows us to step back, appreciate the small things and build memories that last longer than a ridiculous staff meeting you had last week.

You will never regret traveling. I spent 4 hours on a plane with the stomach flu and altitude sickness... And I don't regret that trip to Yellowstone at all. You get one shot on this earth so you might as well soak up as much of it as you can while you're here. Because you're not going to see any of this by looking out your window.

Yellowstone

 Ok... technically not Yellowstone but on the way there.

 Old Faithful

 Amazing views...

 Some of the world's best scenery.

Europe

 Dublin Castle

Leaning Tower of Pisa 

 Arno River- Florence, Italy

 A pretty canal- Venice, Italy

Chateau Chambord- Loire Valley, France

"Pemberley" a.ka. Lyme Park- Stockport, England

Buckingham Palace- London, England

Traveling is really up to you. You can either sit at home and watch the world pass you by... or you can go out and see it!

What I believe...

Lately, I've felt stuck between a rock and a hard place spiritually. I was raised in a Pentecostal church and I believe it's part of my core. If nothing else, it's definitely shaped who I am today. It's why I don't swear a lot or smoke (although smoking is just stupid period) or drink a lot. It's also why I don't enjoy gossiping and I hate lying because it seriously gives me the most icky feeling in the world. I read somewhere that if you don't stand for something, then you'll fall for anything so this me taking a stand.

I don't claim to have all the answers nor do I claim that I understand why God chooses to do some things. But I can tell you what God means to me. And I'm so not perfect... I swear when I get really angry, I've drank too much on occasion, and I lie... more often that I care to admit. I'm not going to throw my beliefs in your face and tell you to repent or you'll spend eternity in hell. I HATE scare tactics and scaring people into salvation, isn't salvation at all. I'm simply going to tell you what my story.

I found Jesus when I was 8. I say "found" because my philosophy is that Jesus is always there waiting for you, you have to be the one willing to find him. It was a Sunday night service and we had some Evangelist visiting that evening. I don't remember the particulars but there was a moment in his sermon when he spoke about a prodigal son (a different one than the biblical story) and his returning home to his family. Somewhere in the midst of all this, I had this strange feeling inside that the Evangelist was talking to me. He then mentioned something about sin and separating us from God (therefore sending us to hell). This is a very abbreviated version, I know, but I was 8 and I've an awful memory. But I was TERRIFIED because I knew that earlier that week I had lied to my parents about shampooing my hair (funny, I remember what the sin was but can barely remember that sermon) and the thought of hell just scared me. Hence, why I don't approve of scare tactics, one could argue I repented because of a scare tactic.

He did an altar call and I flew up to the front. I curled myself up into a ball and prayed, "Lord, please don't send me to hell. I lied and I'm sorry." I was SO ashamed of myself for lying that I couldn't even bring myself to tell my Sunday school teacher Mrs. Shumaker why I was up there. I remember her distinctly telling me that there was no sin too big that God couldn't wipe away even though I was still convinced my sin was the greatest sin ever committed. But she prayed for me anyway. If I ever see her again, I want to thank her for praying with me that day.

After that, I spent most of my time at church, I LOVED church. I didn't have a lot of friends at school so ALL of my friends were at church and that's the only time I ever got to see any of them. There was the social aspect but I also felt closer to God at church. I didn't fully grasp the concept of an omnipresent God until middle school.

But it wasn't until middle school and a new youth pastor who really brought me closer to God. As a kid, I knew that Jesus loved me and I was pretty sure I loved him too. But Pastor Dave and Kristen helped me build a relationship with Him without even realizing I was doing it. They showed me the true love of Christ and how to apply it in my own life. They are also the reasons I LOVE worship music and to this day it is my favorite part of service (but that's another story). It's why I don't swear or gossip about other people. After Jesus went to Heaven, we became His earthly examples. He passed his mission on to us, to show the world who Christ is and Pastor Dave taught me the best way to do that is through your actions. It's something I strive to do on a daily basis, even if I mess up all the time.

Here's a way to put it that I hope makes a little more sense... Everyone has lost someone important, right? A friend, a parent, a sibling... doesn't really matter who but after they passed, you tell yourself that you want to live a life to make them proud. You want them to look down on you and smile. And you do this because you built a loving relationship with them, making them important to you. Their good opinion of you matters to you. For me, that's how it works for my relationship with God.

Over my 24 short years, God provided for me. He has proven himself to me a bajillion times over and a long time ago, someone very important to me died. God sent himself in human form to die the most horrific way possible (have you read about crucifixion??? reading about it makes me sick to stomach) for me. He died so I could have a chance at life (which I'll get too in a minute), to live my life abundant and because he willingly did that, I chose to live a life of which he would be proud. His good opinion matters to me and I want him to smile when He thinks of Alison Burge.

How has be proven himself? Easy... Just look at me, I'm a walking miracle. After my parents discovered, I had a birth defect, my mom was offered an abortion. Instead of taking the easy way, instead of accepting the easiest solution... my mom tested God's promises and kept me. His promises of provision, blessing and favor. The doctors said I could be born with all sorts of medical issues because of my birth defect. If you research PFFD (the defect that caused my leg), it can get pretty ugly. It can with other physical deformities and has been linked to cognitive issues as well (don't you like my medical jargon?). But ta-da! I was a relatively healthy baby (I say relatively because I spent a couple in NICU because I was blue... something about oxygen or my blood but they didn't find anything. Tracie tells me I was a smurf). I was a very expensive child, PFFD does result in a LOT of dr's visits and surgeries... etc.

God showed his provision in introducing my parents to Shriner's Hospitals, which paid for all of my leg related medical costs that insurance didn't cover. They provided me with the best possible care growing up (SUPER ULTRA MEGA BLESSING!!!!!!!). They weren't sure how well I would walk and at first, there was probably some discussion about whether or not I'd be able to walk at all. Most people can't even tell I wear a fake leg... how is that for blessing? 98% of the time they think I've hurt my ankle. I have a limp but once I get my new leg in April (woot!) even that will be minimized. For having a limitation, I've lived a very normal life. Blessing! I was NEVER actually teased for not having a leg. BLESSING! (Although I was teased for wearing glasses in grade school by a girl named Latoya). I learned how to roller blade! Blessing! I haven't learned how to ride a bike yet but I will (the fact that I'll be able too... BLESSING!). And despite being born with a handicap, in May 2010, I graduated college with a 3.45 GPA (blessing.).  When I was 4, I had diagnosed with really BAD asthma (like have to take steroids to control it) and today? Very little asthma (only kicks in around dogs)! When I look back over my life, I don't know how you can tell me how God wasn't present. It's just not humanly possible. My whole life is a result of prayer, faith and God's awesome power. I believe God exists because everything that has happened to me proves it. And I choose to love him and make him proud because of what he's done for me. And if He hadn't died on that cross so many years ago, I might not even be alive today.

And here's something not even leg related. Two years ago, I took a job at a bank. On the scale of worst jobs, it must come close to the top. I felt like God wasn't hearing my pleas for help. My boss was awful and I was a mess mentally, physically, emotionally. I've been a skinny girl all my life and in those 9 months at the bank, I lost 30 lbs. I was demoted from my position and transferred to a different branch. My confidence was shot. Where was God in that situation? Why wasn't He helping me? I couldn't hear him or feel him so I almost gave up. But even in the middle of all this, he continued to provide for me. I had the world's greatest support system of family, friends and boyfriend. And in the year that followed after quitting, God provided the resources to pay my bills and not starve (my parents are saints!), he provided the Halloween store to return my confidence and restore my strength, and then He provided me with Potbelly. A good job, with decent pay, decent hours and workplace where I feel appreciated and valued. Even if I don't spend the rest of my life working for them, I'm eternally thankful that they gave me a shot. Even at my lowest point, when I stopped praying, stopped going to church, stopped even paying attention to him... He looked out of me and provided. That is a God who truly cares.

I don't claim to have all the answers. I can't answer all the questions of the Universe but I will tell what I know: I love God and he loves me. And I choose to believe He died for me.

2012: In Memoriam

Dear 2012,

I'll admit that I had my doubts about you the first couple of months. 2011 had a couple of really awesome moments (Europe... yay!) but otherwise it just kind of sucked. I had an awful job, I lost weight (which isn't good when you don't have any too lose) and I ended the year broke with no real job prospects. I was relieved that it ended and you arrived with the promise of better things. However, those first two months were not fun at all. Panic attacks and depression... Really? I had thought a new year meant new endeavors and new amazing opportunities but no... you gave me 2 months of the same old stuff I dealt with the last 12 months. You even gave me my first ticket for running a red light that I didn't run! We both know I made that light. I began to think nothing would change and I'd end 2012 in the same place as the previous year. But, I gotta hand it to you, you really pulled through for me. 

By the end of February, I had a job with decent pay and wonderful people. I even got health benefits and 2 weeks of paid vacation. I know 2012 was the year of the dragon but it became the year of the sandwich for myself. Everyday I began to feel more like myself again. The panic attacks ended, the depression turned into happiness and my confidence began to build up. 2012, you returned my self confidence. It was a rather long process and took most of the year but it's back and I feel like the Alison-tour-de-force again. That's something for which I cannot express my gratitude enough. 

I was financially stable enough to go my Nichole in S. Dakota. We went to Yellowstone and spent a crazy couple of days. It was cold and hot and we burned to a crisp. But also had crazy amounts of fun. It was good to see Old Faithful and know that real friendships endure no matter how far apart we are. Thank you for providing the Olympics so Nichole and I could share our Olympic love together. The gymnastics rocked! You picked a PHENOMENAL team, including Makayla Mahoney (vault girl), who was not impressed with her silver. Hopefully, in a year or two she'll realize that she completed BOMBED her second vault but was still great enough to land a silver. She was sitting down... SITTING DOWN and she still got silver. To me that says, "Hey, I'm so much better than everybody else that I don't even have to land my vaults to beat you." I bow to her talent. It was also fun watching Michael Phelps win his 19th medal and watching youngster Missy Franklin just take the world by storm. She's 17 and already won 7 medals!! I just wanted to be her best friend, she was so adorable. Oh and the beach volleyball was fun too. I think I bit off all my fingernails watching Kerri and Misty play. I would've cried if they didn't win. I have no words for the awesomeness of the London Olympics... massive kudos to you 2012. 

Not to say 2012 that you didn't have your issues. I mean you did break my foot... while I was at work. You did cause me to miss a week of work only to find out that my leg is falling apart. I knew it was old and probably in bad shape but I wasn't expecting the ticking time bomb on my knee. They couldn't even fix it or put a band aid solution on it. And then when I went to try and get a new one, I heard the stinging words of "pre-existing condition." Which is a bunch of crap... Why should I be blamed for something I had no control over???? I don't drink or smoke or do any really dangerous things.... I just want to be able to function and live like everyone else. Stupid insurance... ugh. But on the bright side of all this, you did at least enforce the 2010 healthcare reform. For the time being, it can't be repealed (thank you Supreme Court)! Blah, blah, blah... I'm Christian and I support it... so what? I'm also human and would like to make sure that all my health needs are met. I don't use my disability as a crutch, I don't have a woe is me attitude, I don't even have a friggin' handicapped sticker for my car!!!! All I ask is that I be able to use the insurance that I EARN and PAY FOR properly. So all you haters and sit down, shut up and take a number because I've been WITHOUT coverage for my leg for a long time and I'm done caring about stupidity. Maybe it's selfish, maybe it's wrong but I supported Obama's healthcare from the beginning and thank you 2012 for at least prolonging it's life. 

There were some political issues, 2012, but I won't get into that. Long story short, ALL of Congress needs to be fired. They can't even clean up their own mess.

Also thank you 2012 for 4 wonderful years with my man. It's not a perfect relationship but it's ours and he's proved more and more to be the man I always dreamed of. It's funny how God knows things you needed that you didn't. Like why would I ever have wanted to date a picky eater? Well, I get heart burn pretty easily and when I go out with Zack, he picks places that don't give me heartburn. You also provided him with a big boy job.. one that he seems to like a whole lot. It's entry level but he's happy just to be working. It's also funny to hear him complain about the same things I did when I first started working. No social life, meetings on your days off... I just tell him what he told me. "It's ok, hunny." 

Thanks for the continuing health of my family. And for letting my mom lose close to 40 lbs this year! WOOT!  It's truly a miracle and she's happier and healthier. Being around my mom at all, she's just overall happier. I think her optimism is even returning. You provided Kristin with a job at school and a seriously awesome internship in her field. And you provided another one for her at the end of the year. An even better one that is precisely what she wants to do and will grow her so much. Tracie got a full-time job and better health benefits! Holla! Her health has also improved and I know we're all thankful for the lack of seizures on her part now (especially Patrick). I only have one small, tiny bone to pick about this. I didn't become an aunt in 2012. I know patience is a virtue but they've been married 4 years now and she's almost 30. I love them both a great deal and they'll great parents. Is is so much to ask to be an aunt?

You've also provided for my friends too. Everyone got jobs (and I mean everyone). Nichole got a job at a daycare on base, Jen got salaried with benefits, Tristan ran off to Japan to teach English, and Megan had a teaching job before graduating. Megan got married, Nichole finished planning her wedding and Jen is dating a seemingly nice guy named Alex (I get to meet him today so I cannot yet pass judgement). Tristan is still missing from this group but I hear Japan is lacking in that department. And I forgot Susan... my favorite old boss whom I wish I lived closer too... she had a baby!!!!!!! The cutest most adorable baby girl named Addy. I'm so happy for her and Aaron! Yay! 

So overall 2012, you were a great year! I mean a seriously great year! The best I've had since graduating (although those years are still in their infancy). I just wanted to say thank you for being a great year, for providing new opportunities and letting us leave old days behind. Looking back, I wish there was some stuff that would've gone differently (my leg) but other than that, I wouldn't change it for the world. And if the Mayan calendar is correct, then we're starting a new era of something. I'm excited to see what 2013 has in store for me. I do know that it does at least hold a couple of wonderful things. A bunch of weddings (dear friends, please stop getting married in 2013... I will be broke), a car for myself, the college graduation of Kristin, AND most important to me... a BRAND NEW LEG! oh... 2013... i only have 1 resolution to which i have no control over... i would like to be an aunt, please. 

P.S. 2012, thank you for introducing me to a most wonderful creative endeavor... quilting! It rocks.