Let's Talk About Weight...

So Thanksgiving has to be one of my favorite holidays. I think it's mostly because I get to pig out on food and then not feel guilty afterward. And I know some of you are thinking, "Alison's the size of a twig, why would she ever feel guilty about eating anything?" Well, I'm human and I do.

Here's the thing about being thin: I'm kind of self-conscious about. Think of it this way: I go shopping and I'm looking for at the smaller sizes. Someone from across the room is watching me, envious of the size I'm in because our society has made it a crime to be any bigger. The person goes home and starts skipping meals or even worse, starts an eating disorder. Why? All because they saw me and the sticks in the magazine. They decided they weren't good enough because they saw me in the store and became jealous.

And I understand that it's not my fault that people become anorexic or bulimic, but I don't like being automatically grouped with that culture simply because of my size. If you just saw me shopping in the store, at first glance you might think: she's tall and skinny, she could be a supermodel. It's the worst thing you could ever tell me. I've gotten it before (A LOT) and it offends me. And it's only because it groups me in a society I don't even like. 

Yea, I'm crazy but we've already established this. Here's why I think it's better not to be Burge-girl skinny:

1. It's really a proven fact that guys like girls with more curves. You wanna know why I think I didn't go on my first date until I was 19? I was too skinny. What guy wants to date a size 4? I turn sideways and there is NOTHING to me. People go, "Where's Alison? She was just here." Guys want girls who when they turn sideways they can admire. Plus, being skinny can give off that whole I-don't-ever-eat-anything-vibe. Zack once told me that if I ate salads all the time, he would have never asked me out. He loves my appetite. My first date with Zack, we went out for pizza and I ate like 75% of the pizza. I think he enjoys the fact that I can out eat him.

2. You become lazy. Now, I actually enjoy working out. I like sweating and my workout routine consists of an hour of Just Dance on my Wii. However, being this skinny can give you a lazy complex. I don't need to work out because I'm super skinny anyways. There are people who weigh a lot more but are a millions time healthier than me because they eat better and work out more. They could live to see their great grandchildren get married and I could die when I'm 40 of a heart attack still skinnier than a twig! And I constantly fight the lazy complex but then I think of my adorable great grandchildren and pick up that Wii remote! I also REALLY like to dance but that's another story.

3. Being Burge-girl skinny can get you into trouble. This may be scary but I actually wear the biggest size of my sisters. I also go up a size because of my leg. We actually got in trouble in junior high and high school because we were TOO skinny. Our teachers thought we had eating disorders and out of concern would call home. I actually got called down to the nurses office and the counselor was there to talk about it. I've never had an eating disorder and it was only after the one millionth no that they relented. I had fight against this belief that just because I was skinny I had an eating disorder. My parents had to explain to school officials that we were just skinny. We had no problems eating, we were just wired to be tall and skinny. I'm not trying to discount eating disorders because they're terrible. My heart aches to think people would subject themselves to it because they think they're not good enough. I didn't want my teachers spending time on me when there were other students who needed help.

I'm all about having a healthy lifestyle. And I have family members who've lost weight and I'm SO proud of them. Losing weight just needs to be done the right way. Skipping meals or resorting to eating disorders are not the right way. So here's the real point of my blog: Trying to be a healthy weight is achievable, trying to be Burge-girl skinny is not. So please don't use my size as your role model.  

F.Y.M. + E78 = Me!

So yesterday I ran across a friend of Kristin's, who I watched grow up. As it turns out, she's now attending my alma mater, EIU. It made me insanely happy as I creeped through her Facebook photos looking at places I once frequented.

As I went through her photos, I felt like I was stepping back in time. A lot of her photos from high school were from Northwest's youth group. Then I came across the announcement videos from the same time period and it brought back so many memories.

I loved youth group beyond anything else in my life. I went on all the retreats, camps, conventions, Fine Arts trips and missions trips. I went through the leadership training and for a while, was considered a student leader.

My dream today is become a youth leader at a church and pay it forward. I had so many wonderful youth leaders that influenced me and shaped my spiritual journey. I want to be the same for those who follow behind me.

Sadly, I can't find any F.Y.M pictures to post so I apologize for that. That was back in ancient times when I had a film camera. When I started youth group, it was a change in leadership. The youth pastor had just become the head pastor at Northwest and for about a year, we didn't have a pastor. Then came Dave and Kristen March. A very wonderful, Godly couple who showed me that sticking to your faith and loving God is the key to living a full life.

Junior high and early high school were difficult for me but the March's helped me through it and were so supportive and caring. I didn't really fit in with the people my age at church (minus a few). They were normal and seemed confident and I felt like I had to be someone else around them. I was crazy (still am) and incredibly awkward. It was the typical self-conscious teen thing but I felt twice as awkward because of my leg. They were prettier, more popular, and were constantly changing boyfriends. I just didn't fit. But with the support of the March's, I discovered that I didn't need to try so hard.

I also got a lot of support from awesome leaders like Adeolu, Christine, Katie and Stephanie. Without them, I think I would have absolutely hated my life. I remember Katie being very proficient as the Carlton dance and entertaining us all at one youth retreat. Adeolu took some girls and I to lunch one day at California Pizza Kitchen. That's where I learned how to do the whole tequila shot thing with the salt and lime (minus the tequila). We thought we were super cool doing it with lemonade.

When Dave and Kristen left for Wisconsin, I was 16. They shaped who I am to this day. I loved God, loved life and could drive myself to all the youth group functions. I learned to embrace my leg and make fun of myself. For those of you who are curious, this is around the time of my infamous leg/prom alternative story. It fell off while we were at Navy Pier and my dad scared Dave to pieces upon returning to the church.

I had also found a wonderful group of friends where I didn't have to try. I became me. At the core, I'm still the same, crazy Alison I was 7 years ago. I still love God, love life and I can still drive myself everywhere. God had shown me who I was and a dream of the future. There was still change to be had though.

The new youth pastor arrived shortly before my senior year of high school. T.J. and Jill brought a name change and lots of new ideas. I wasn't used to change and wanted desperately to hang on to the past. He painted over the mural in the back of the youth room. We went from Fire Youth Ministries to Element 78 (which is platinum). T.J. taught me to embrace change. All the changes were made for the improvement of youth group and it made us stronger. Made me stronger. A lot of the youth leaders were only a year or two older than me and instead of being role models, they were friends.

Good Christian friends who believed in good Christian fun. And I have pictures!

Meet my youth leaders... getting high on helium

The funny story with this picture is James (the guy in the middle) passed out. I have a video of him fainting from inhaling too much helium. They were singing Christmas carols and wanted to sound like chipmunks. James got back up pretty quickly and kept singing.

Don't let my innocent smile fool you... I was hard core.

This photo was taken at winter retreat. We played sculpterades (which is a combo of charades and pictionary). I rocked hard core at this game and whenever it was my turn, it went to full contact sculpterades. I tackled one guy and ended up head butting another. After someone on your team got the right answer, you had to run to the center of the room, grab the bucket and run back to your team. At one point, I accidentally collided with James (the fainting one) and tossed the bucket to the other side of the room. Two words: hard core.

We got bored so we painted Peter instead.

Oscar (guy in the blue) and Monica (in the grey) had very loud personalities but Peter (the boy in the middle) is SUPER quiet. On our missions trip to Georgia, I volunteered to paint with them. It beat going outside in the hot Georgia sun. We, unfortunately, got assigned to the men's bathroom. It was gross. Even Oscar didn't want to go in. But we sucked it up and went in, scrubbed the walls and painted. However, the paint was the EXACT same color and we couldn't tell where we had painted. Peter is a very nice young man and obliged us when we joked about painting him because at least on him, we could tell where we had painted.

Although, there was the time the youth leaders put make up on one of boys who fell asleep in the van. Unlike Peter, he was not amused.

So on this Thanksgiving Eve, I want to thank my youth pastors and their wives. For the support, confidence, training and guidance. I wouldn't have survived high school. To my leaders, you set Godly examples for me to follow when I needed it most. You provided countless hours of amusement and prayed with me hundreds of times. You truly cared about me and gave me something to look forward to every week. To this day, my favorite day of the week is Wednesday because that's when I attended youth group. You truly made a difference in my life and I just wanted you to know.

And oddly enough, my blog name came from my time in youth group. When I started youth group, I was trying to be someone else but the people I met taught me that it was enough to simply be Alison.

P.S. I will be writing an actual Thanksgiving blog tomorrow. Please be safe during your travels!

Mr. Rogers' Congress

I've had it. Completely, utterly fed up with this all.

I try to avoid discussing politics because let's face it, everyone has their own beliefs and people rarely change their minds. People will never truly see eye to eye on political issues. But what happened tonight is a travesty of epic proportions.

I was CNN.com catching up on the latest news when I discovered that this "Super" committee to deal with our budget deficit decided it couldn't get its act together and come to an agreement. $1.2 TRILLION hangs in the balance and the officials we ELECTED sat around on Capitol Hill for 5 months arguing like pre-schoolers.

When I registered to vote, I marked Democrat on the party affiliation thing. And to be honest, I normally vote Democrat (expect for Blago... he was the exception). I come from a conservative background and some people I know would scoff at a Christian Democrat. I don't agree with all the Democrat party lines but I can't vote for a party that likes to give tax breaks to the wealthy and leave me whimpering every time I look at the tax taken out of my paycheck. And they also like to cut spending to programs for the poor... Can't do it. I have this super over-arching sense of wanting to help everyone. Republicans don't like to do that.

Now despite my normal devotion to the Democrats, I'm utterly ashamed that they're sitting on Capitol Hill blaming the Republicans. Even my bff Obama is blaming the Republicans. What every Congressman needs to do is pull out a mirror and look at it before placing blame. And you know something, as Americans we're to blame too. We ALL elected these people into office and then let them sit around and refuse to act like grown ups.

When they sat around back in June bickering about the overwhelming debt, we all just sat around and grumbled. Then Obama put together the super committee and maybe we felt a little better. Maybe the thought of sweeping cuts to everything (especially the defense budget) would get them to work together. Neither party liked the idea of sequestration so they should have done everything to avoid it. But they didn't.

And this Occupy Wall Street movement, why did it take so long? Where was this in June when this whole debacle started? Why did it take us SO long to start voicing our discontent? Have we really become this complacent with our government?

You want to what I think? I think we've become lazy with our politics. We let the machine run too long and we've run ourselves into the ground. We have no one to blame here but ourselves. Beware, my friends, America is finished as the no. 1 superpower because we can't even agree on budget cuts. If we can't solve our own problems, why should we be trusted to go to other nations and solve theirs? We can't.

And I know this seems doom and gloom. Maybe it won't come to that... maybe we can figure it out. Maybe the Occupy Wall Street movement will bring sweeping changes to the government. But I doubt it. We are so stuck in this age of bureaucracy and bickering that the only thing that will change it is complete revolution.

So here's my clever solution to all this: Congress needs to be rehauled. Completely replaced. Replace them with a normal, civilian group and then EVERYONE has to go through intensive Mr. Rogers training. I'm going to start a curriculum for new Congressional members and Mr. Rogers will be at the core. Because he knew how to act like an adult and treat each other fairly. He understood that we may not agree on everything but we can embrace the differences and work together. If Mr. Rogers can get it right, then why can't the rest of us? It's so amazingly simple. Sure, he made a kids television show but if Congress can't act like adults, then it works out perfectly. So yes, my solution to this whole problem after completely voting out Congress is Mr. Rogers. Because he got it right and let's be honest, we could all take a page from Mr. Rogers once in a while.

So after everyone attends my Mr. Rogers seminar, we put them through a worst case scenario simulation. If they can't solve their differences and be like Mr. Rogers, then they're gone. Plain and simple. Imagine how many headaches we could save ourselves if Congress actually took some of Mr. Rogers' advice to heart and started treating each other like good neighbors. And yes, every morning would start with the House and Senate meeting together in a Joint sessions and singing the familiar tune of the opening song. And yes, I'm deadly serious about all this. Got any other ideas? Because nothing else we've tried has worked.

My Real Life Santa

For those of you who haven't been following my Facebook posts, my grandfather, John William Traughber, died on Nov. 9, 2011. I've always said that God blessed me beyond compare when he gave me the family he did. We aren't perfect but we also understand that family means looking beyond each other's imperfections.

My grandparents: the world's greatest people

For my family, the death of my grandfather was a relief. He had been suffering for many months and he needed rest. My grandfather loved God and even became an ordained minister in later years, so he's in a place with no suffering or pain. He was greatly loved by my family and his presence will be sorely missed.

For me, the dealing with my grandfathers death over the next few weeks will be very difficult. I loved him very much and considered him one of the best men I will ever know. A grandchild always looks past their grandparents faults and as such, he was the epitome of perfection to me.

Now normally, I believe in holiday equality. Thanksgiving IS just an important as Christmas but in light of recent events, I'm foregoing that rule. And when you finish my blog, you'll understand why.

When I was a kid, I was convinced my grandfather was Santa. He even looked like Santa. He had the bushy white beard that was soft but tickled your cheek. He had the big tummy and even the twinkle in his eye. I was always passionate about my friends meeting my grandparents because then they'd get to know the real Santa too.

As I grew older, I still retained that child-like faith of Santa because to me, he was real. I got to see him every time I went to Decatur. When I about 12 or 13, my grandma admitted to me that my grandfather always ate the Christmas cookies we left out. Even though my sisters and I were all old enough not to believe in Santa, we still left cookies for my grandfather to eat. And my grandfather, in true Santa form, left us little notes on the cookie plate. Mostly "Yum, yum, yum" or "Be good."

But mostly, he remained Santa to me because he shared 3 of Santa's main traits: talent, commitment and jolliness. When I started thinking about writing my blog, I asked Zack who he though made the toys before the Elves came. He thought about it for a minute and said "Santa." For this to be true, Santa must be a very talented craftsmen. He would be an expert at woodworking, welding and the world's greatest artist. My grandfather equaled Santa's talent. He was a wonderful stained glass artist. After he retired, he traveled to different churches and did stained glass windows for them. One of my most prized possessions is a stained glass frog lamp he made me when I was a teenager. I also discovered shortly after his death that he once entered a citywide stained glass competition and placed 2nd.

He was also a very talented musician and loved music. Every church he ever joined, he immediately joined the choir. He sung with the deepest, richest bass voice that shook the earth when he sang. He loved Southern Gospel Music, especially the Gaithers and had EVERY single Gaither video ever released. He knew all the songs and although I thought the Gaithers were boring, I still enjoyed hearing him sing. He is also the only person I've ever met who plays the dulcimer. Still not sure what it is but it sounds epic.

Santa was also very committed. Once he started delivering presents, there was no turning back for him. Think about what a huge commitment Christmas is. He spends 364 days preparing for one night. He organizes the elves, reindeer and has to make sure to get home to Mrs. Claus at some point. When my grandfather married my grandmother in 1961, he made that Santa-like commitment to her. When she entered the TB sanitarium not 2 years later, he committed himself to caring for my aunt, dad, and uncle. He fed them, clothed them, and entertained them for 6 months. He even convinced the TB hospital officials to let them in so they could visit their mom.  He also showed that same commitment to his grandkids. There is not one drop of my grandfather's blood in my veins but that didn't matter to him. I was his granddaughter and he loved me as such.

To say my grandfather loved my grandma is a gross understatement. He adored her. During their courtship, he asked her to marry him every single day and I'm sure he meant it everyday too. My grandma often laughs about it and says, "I said no so much that when I actually said yes, he didn't hear me."  When she was in the TB hospital, my grandfather visited her twice a day, everyday. During his lunch break and after he got off of work. When she was admitted to the hospital in January, he visited her everyday. Often spending the whole day by her bedside. In June, my grandparents celebrated 50 years of marriage. His Santa-like commitment never wavered to his 5 kids and wife.

Santa is also known for his happy demeanor and jolly laugh. My grandfather loved to tell jokes and took delight in the corny. His jokes were often told repeatedly and became known in my house as "Grandpa John" jokes. Like his jokes, his humorous stories were told hundreds of times. And there were always new people to tell his stories too. My dad said at the funeral that my grandfather, "Never met a stranger." He talked to everyone and I truly believe he enjoyed seeing people smile. He would be your new best friend whether you liked it or not. And truthfully, it was probably pretty hard not to like him. He had a wonderful, friendly disposition that you couldn't hate. I know he didn't always smile and as he got sicker, he could be grumpy at times. But as his grandchild, I will always say, he was always smiling and the jolliest person I ever knew.

I read this blog entry at his funeral and it surprised me how many people after came up and told me that he was Santa to them too. Not only did he look like Santa, he acted like him too. As I was talking to my younger sister about this, she even said, "I thought he was Santa too!" I loved my grandfather very much and I will him miss more than words can ever say. My world was made that much brighter by his goodness and humor. And I expect Christmas will be a little sadder this year without my Santa. I will never forget my grandfather. And even if I wanted too, I don't think I could because Santa never truly dies. His laugh, like my grandfathers, is immortalized in 3 short words: Ho, ho, ho.

Friends Forever.

I've always believed God puts people in your life for a reason. In my lifetime, I've been particularly blessed with the friends I've had and the memories I've shared with those people. This has particularly been on my mind lately when I saw that my friend from EIU and her husband are expecting their first child (and I am very excited for them both!). In college, D and I shared many fond memories together. We played poker together on Monday nights my sophomore year, we t.p.'d my RA's door, we went to countless basketball games together, and if it wasn't for her... there's a good chance Zack and I may not be together. I credit her and Beth for teaching me how to effectively boo the other team at basketball games.

I could continue on about all the fun times we had together at college but I won't. And I'm sad that we've gone our separate ways and perhaps don't keep in touch very well. But I guess that's life.

I've had many best friends during my life and I still care about all them very deeply. Recently at work, I was told that I simply care too much about my employees. But that also follows being told I have an enormous heart. For some reason or other, God gave me this HUGE capacity to love everyone. 

I've always believed it to be one of my greatest strengths because all I really want to do is help people. It's that simple for me. My reason for living on this Earth is to help out the people I come into contact with. That's why I'll never make in corporate America because I am far too honest and care far too much about the people around me.

Tonight I was also able to catch up with an old friend of mine from church, Jessie. She's currently working as a missionary in southeast Asia doing research. I've been following all her newsletters and e-mails and I pray for her every day. Like D and I, my friendship with Jessie has shared very fond memories. We coached the church's JBQ team together, went on countless missions trips/retreats/conventions together, and so many other memories. Jessie made my faith in God stronger and always lifted my spirits with her laughter and boundless energy. She has invited me to see her speak at a church around Chicago when she returns to the states in December. I'm very excited and cannot wait to see her again.

So I guess the point of my blog tonight is that if you were ever a close friend of mine, you're still very important to me. I know our paths may have split and gone separate ways. Heck, we may not have a single thing in common anymore (even though part of me wishes we did). And even if your world falls apart and everyone else runs off, I never will. I have this fault of being desperately loyal and once you've gained it, it never waivers.

I have this dream of one day being best friends with everyone again. Learning about what you're up to and where life has taken you. We probably once said best friends forever and when I said it, I meant it. If we never speak again, then it's ok but I will always cherish the friendship we shared for the rest of my life.

So thank you for allowing me to be your friend. I won't list you all because that will take forever. I have MANY people that I would consider close friends.I will consider you all my friends until the day I die (whether you like it or not). And to end my blog... I end with this fun video from Youtube. Just remember... you've got a friend in me.

Candy W(Rappers).... ???

I have to say first and foremost, I am so SAD Steve Jobs died. I am both a lover of Apple computers and Pixar so I feel the world has lost a huge force in the fields of technology and creativity. I bought my first Mac, named Machiavelli, right as I entered college in 2006. The thing is a beast! Five years later and it still runs like the day I pulled it out of the box. Eventually one day I will have to replace it because I can no longer update the software. It's sadly far away from me in the great state of Missouri on loan to the youngest Burge, as she soon will finish her first semester of college. I immediately knew that I would never own another PC. Now Zack and I argue on this but he can live with his stinkin' Dell. Apple is 100 times better!

I actually do remember watching Toy Story in theaters. I think I was only 7 at the time but I remember it being super awesome! Who doesn't imagine their toys actually having lives of their own? I used to pretend to fall asleep at night and tell my toys I was doing it so I could catch them in the act. The only Pixar movie I have not seen in theaters was Monsters, Inc. When the movie comes out each summer, I put it at the TOP of my priority list of must-see summer blockbusters. I wish I could pick a favorite Pixar movie but I really can't. It's like trying to tell which part of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is better: Peanut Butter or Chocolate? I would have to argue that's its one of those questions like "How many licks does it take to get the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?" You will never know the answer because it's different every time.

I could go on talking about how Steve Jobs changed my life but CNN does it so well. But while I was reading his obituary in the entertainment section, I came across this fascinating article on one of their entertainment blogs. The title reads... "Method Man raps about Sour Patch Kids." Yep... I had the same reaction.

It is, naturally, for an upcoming promotion but Method Man, who is part of the Wu-Tang Clan (a rap group), actually came out with a legit song AND a music video. The song is 3:28 and yes, the Sour Patch Kids candies do actually appear in the music video along with the whole Wu-Tang Clan and a dancing video girl.

I was so curious I watched the music video and was surprised, the song isn't too bad. I wouldn't go download it or anything but for a song about candy... it's better that what I expected. Some of the lyrics are pretty catchy. My favorite line is "They'll throw bleach in your laundry and then fold your origami."

I also enjoy eating Sour Patch Kids so now that the song worked and I want to go out and buy some, I'll do what the song says and "Shut up and eat 'em up."

The Webs We Weave: A Halloween Soap Opera

I have just gotten through what may be the longest day of my entire life. It wasn't due to job stress or crazy co-workers or even overbearing boss... no it was due to the drama. My job has turned into one ginormous soap opera with all the drama coming at me from every possible angle. We can't do anything without there being some form of drama and for the next couple of paragraphs, I will confuse you with a number of plot twists, rip your heart out with tear-jerking sadness and give the story no real good ending because every good soap opera never truly ends. It just continues on an endless cycle of insanity. I've changed all the names to protect my butt but it's also a lot of fun.

It all started one week ago when my district manager, named Francisco, went to Wisconsin because his uncle died of cancer. We weren't really sure what we were doing yet with the whole store situation but we extended our condolences and let Francisco leave in peace. We chose not to bother him during his time of grief and turned our many hundred questions to his boss, whom we shall call Jane Lynch.

Now Jane Lynch is a very formidable character. She requires everything to be done a certain way and will not give any room for variation and does not keep an open door policy. You may give her your ideas but I can guarantee you that Jane Lynch will never listen. So Jane Lynch gave us very strict direction on what needed to be done and sent in another district manager to help cover for Francisco.

The other district manager immediately saw our stores were in a total state of disarray. He came in and immediately got us going on the right track.  None of us had any idea what we were doing in terms of hanging up merchandise, putting together elaborate halloween displays or even hanging up the snap walls correctly. This started poor Francisco on a long road the would ultimately lead to his untimely doom.

Now fast forward to last Thursday, when Francisco returns from Wisconsin and meets with us all to see our progress. By this point, we are all exhausted and my store manager, named Pierre the Frenchman, was at his wits end. Pierre was super sick but still came in to work because Jane Lynch told him he couldn't miss a day of work until after the store was ready to open. But Pierre's condition was made worse by the fact that he wasn't working on his store. Oh no... Pierre had spent countless hours coaching, building and repairing another manager's store because Francisco hadn't been around to pick up the keys of Pierre's store. And Pierre was ticked and it was obvious.

With Francisco back at the helm and the other district manager driving 3 long hours back to his region, we continued our hurried effort to open the store. Pierre went home early on Thursday to catch up on sleep and prepare for his long battle the next morning at his own store. Friday was very uneventful because all I and the other people did was hang merchandise.

There were whispers among us that the co-manager at Pierre's (my) store, named Zeida, was being transferred to a new store in the wonderful world of Skokie. But Francisco could neither confirm nor deny this because he was AWOL. Poor Francisco suffered further heart break when his own father, just days after the loss of a beloved uncle, went into the hospital only to discover he had a cancerous tumor.

While my Friday was considerably boring, Pierre (who was still very ill) got hit in the head with a box and had to unload 3 enormous semi trailers full of merchandise. Pierre had enough of all this and wrote quitely simply on a piece of printer paper, "To Spirit- I quit!! Pierre the Frenchman." He left Zeida a voicemail telling her the Schaumburg store was now hers and she would no longer hear from him.

In the beautiful village of Buffalo Grove, everything came to a shattering halt with the news that our beloved Pierre the Frenchman had raised his white flag. Everyone was in shock. We must have sat around for 15 minutes just talking about how Pierre could have betrayed us all.

Zeida thought it was a conspiracy. Francisco had wanted to rid himself of Pierre the Frenchman forever. She knew that Francisco and Pierre did not get along and were constantly fighting for control of the troops. But I became worried. My store was supposed to have 2 managers and 2 assistants. We were down 1 manager and the other assistant still hadn't been named. Would I be thrown into the position of power? Would I ascend to Pierre's throne of managerdom? Only time would tell.

But Francisco was in no shape to celebrate his glory because as far as we knew, he was at the hospital. Unfortunately no one had heard from him. He wouldn't return phone calls or text messages. Jane Lynch came bounding back into the picture and introduced us to Hogan, the incredible Hulk. Hogan is a short, fat man with no sense of humor and whose language would make even the filthiest sailor blush.

I never met Hogan until about 4:30 p.m. today. Zeida, me and another sales associate met at Schaumburg to take over the long list Pierre never completed. We had an easy day with Zeida. We painted and put together some merchandise racks. THEN came the dreaded phone call none of us saw coming.

Francisco was schedule to meet with Jane Lynch, Hogan and the other district manager this morning to discuss what his situation was. But he never showed up. Instead, he went to the Jewish bakery next door to the intended meeting place and called Jane Lynch. To her, this was completely unacceptable and went next door to the Bakery to tell him he was fired.

When Jane Lynch called Zeida, we knew something had gone down. There was talk of firing the Buffalo Grove store manager, who goes by Franz, because apparently Hogan didn't like him. The third and final store in our region was completely shut down due to fire code violations and that store manager, named Betty Boop, was shipped off to somewhere far, far away. Jane Lynch said it was only a miracle that kept Betty Boop was getting the same phone call as Francisco.

So Jane Lynch informs us that Hogan is now our district manager and he will arrive later the afternoon to check on the status of the store. In the meantime, we are supposed to keep working to make sure we can get the store open by this Saturday. We haven't even finished constructing the store yet.

By this point Zeida was beyond ticked, she was hungry and super thirsty because she was broke. We were supposed to get paid on Friday BUT the FedEx man who was supposed to deliver our checks didn't show. Someone called FedEx and they said Saturday. Well, FedEx man drives past the building and attempts to look into the building from his truck. Not seeing any signs of occupancy, he drives off assuming the store was abandoned. Had he taken the time to get out of the truck, he would met Jane Lynch and a very perturbed Zeida.

So FedEx says Monday between 9-11. Monday came... no FedEx. So Zeida calls Hogan, who calls FedEx and spends the next 10 minutes cursing at the lady on the other end. The lady calls the courier and 5 minutes later we have our paychecks. Hogan tells us not to worry any more because he is the Incredible Hulk and will turn green, ugly and mean when things go wrong.

Hogan also tells us that he was in this situation two years ago when he took over another store and fired the manager and 2 assistants the first day. I looked at him and cowered in fear. He may be shorter and fatter than me but he is one man I do not want to cross. The whole turning green thing creeps me out.

Then Hogan discovers that neither me or my manager have been trained and immediately ships us off to be trained tomorrow on everything. Tomorrow I have the pleasure of working with M.J., also known as Mary Jane or Peter Parker's girlfriend.

Hogan also informed me quite abruptly that in no way during this lifetime would I become store manager. He only wanted one store manager and was going to do everything in his power to make it stayed that way. And that was perfectly fine with me. After all the drama of the last week, I will stay an assistant.

Hogan also told us that if we didn't have fun and we were automatically fired. And he was seriously... deadly serious. He said he once fired all the employees from a store because they weren't having enough fun. I hard core believe him. Anyone who turns ugly and green is someone you should totally believe.

So that my friends is the beginning of the unending saga, the Webs We Weave: A Halloween Soap Opera. All the events listed in my story are fact even in the names are false. I hope you're satisifyingly confused... because I know I am. Boy, I love my job!!!!!

My Regret

As I scanned her Facebook, I took note of the pictures of her new life. The toothy smiles of her and four friends as they showed off their matching Paul McCartney t-shirts. I imagined myself behind the camera telling the four laughing friends to hold still long enough so I could get a decent picture.

Isn't it funny how people just move on without you? It's sad to believe that you are the center of their universe but I guess that's the selfishness of the words, “You're my best friend.”

I still have the note she gave me the last day of high school. The one ripped out of the corner of her Math notebook with little smiley faces and her contact info. Her e-mail the title of a Beatles song followed by her birth year. So unoriginal but so originally Cindy.

The Beatles to Cindy was like God to the Pope. She never had a conversation without quoting them and never dared mention the name of the creature that tore their world apart, Yoko Ono. I knew one Beatles song when I started up the music conversation with Cindy during gym class one day. By the end of the school year, I knew the words to every song Paul McCartney wrote and that the Nixon administration tried to deport John Lennon in 1971.

Maybe I could get the FBI to deport the girls in this picture. Names like Tessie, Bessie and Jessie with their perfect brunette hair and sickeningly small noses. Why would Cindy hang out with them? I had frizzy brunette hair and a rather larger nose but that shouldn't exclude me from the smiles in these photos.

I knew I had no one to blame but me. I never used the e-mail she gave me. I didn't even put it in my address book. I went off to college and left Cindy behind to be teased by those stupid, idiot jerks who took one look at her large glasses and imperfect teeth and sneered.

Cindy's bright personality was often overshadowed by her timidity. She didn't like playing any sport with balls or swimming or any action that involved moving. She hated gym class and our teacher but I did my best to make it bearable for her. I remember making up a game that involved a whiffle ball and two ping pong paddles and lying on the ground. Cindy had the time of her life but my gym teacher yelled at me for “sitting on my lazy rear end.” It kept Cindy out of the spotlight and prevented me from having to beat up the stupid, idiot jerks in my class.

I did almost beat up some punk at lunch for openly mocking her outfit. So she decided to wear pajamas? I asked him how it differed from his football sweatshirt and basketball shorts. Good thing he didn't answer, stupid prick may have had twice my muscle mass but he was short and I had a lethal weapon attached to my hip.

Perhaps high school wasn't as bad for Cindy as I imagined but I couldn't fight off this overwhelming sense of hopelessness. She once told me I was her best friend and I took the gift of friendship and tossed it of the tallest building without one glance back.

I keep debating whether or not to contact Cindy. Maybe she'll toss my apology back in my face and tell me to shove off. But I think I'm more afraid she'll forgive me and begin to talk incessantly about the Beatles again. Because how can I live with her forgiveness when I can't begin to forgive myself for not putting heyjude90@gmail.com in my address book?

Maybe one day I will be brave enough to message her but for now I can only, as the great John Lennon so eloquently sings, imagine.

It Gets Better!

I'm going to rant because I'm angry and I really want to go to bed but I can't until I get this off my chest. Now normally at this point I would call my boyfriend and yell to him for several minutes. But I can't. He's in the middle of a Call of Duty mission talking about the chances of the Illini winning tomorrow.

Tonight was the season premiere of my favorite show, Supernatural. The episode rocked, like they always do, and left me aching for the next episode. Then the news came on. Normally, I try to avoid the news because a lot of the stories are depressing but tonight one story caught my attention.

This group of teenagers created this video to combat cyber bullying and held a press conference to talk about the awful effects  after a 14 year old boy committed suicide last week. The boy, from Buffalo, NY, posted a video on Youtube in support of Ellen DeGeneres' 'It Gets Better' campaign against homophobia. He was tormented for four months before he took his life. 

What I'm about to say will probably ruffle a lot of feathers but I'm done caring. Hearing about the poor kid taking his life made me sick to my stomach. Enough is enough! I'm ashamed to be apart of any group/organization that teaches our kids that this kind of behavior is acceptable. There are Christians out there who are teaching their kids that just because someone is gay, they are immoral and need to be treated like the immoral heathens they are. And that sickens me.

Immoral or not, no body deserves to be treated like an immoral heathen. No one on this planet deserves to be put down so low they see no end to the darkness except taking their lives. I was taught to treat everyone equally... from my perspective we're all the same. Gay, straight, black, white, one leg, two legs... they're just labels. I spent my entire childhood fighting the disability label hanging over my head. So I think I have a right to think labels are the most idiotic man-made notion ever to cross some stupid person's mind.

But you wanna know where I stand? I'm torn between the whole choice/gene thing. Church is telling me it's a choice but science is telling me it's in the genes. As a teen, I believed it was a choice but now I'm not so sure. One of my best friends is gay and he is one of the best people I know. So do I support him? Yes, I do. Got a problem with that? Tough.

The day everyone was supposed to wear purple to support the fight against homophobia, I didn't because I didn't know about it until after. But I would have. It shouldn't matter whether you think being gay is a sin or not. They are human beings that bleed the same color as me. They have the same body parts, internal organs and oh and guess what? They have feelings that get hurt too.

It hurts me to the core that they see no way out but suicide. All their potential, their future, every good contribution they could have made to the world... is gone. Because someone stood by and let it happen. Some body told their child that gay = wrong and they should be persecuted for it.

Honestly, I don't care where you stand on the issue. I'm tired of turning on the news and listening to another report of some poor kid committing suicide because they were harassed about their sexual orientation. As a Christian, I'm horrified that we may be the root cause of this. Our actions may be causing these kids to die. And I'm done just standing by and letting it happen. This has to change and soon. So let me say in all caps just to get the point across:

WE ARE ALL HUMANS!!!!!!! BEING TERRIBLE TO OTHERS BASED ON SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS DISCRIMINATION AND ALWAYS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

If this makes you think that I now need to be treated like an immoral heathen, then I'm just going to say what I'm thinking... you're an idiot. I won't hate you or stop talking to you... just know that I think it's stupid. Look, you don't have to agree or even like it but we're all human and we all deserve to be treated fairly, equally and respectfully. That's all I want.

I wouldn't wish my worse enemy to be discriminated against. It's a terrible feeling and no one deserves that.

So if you're gay, questioning or straight, I love you. I don't care what you are or choose to be. You are important. You have a purpose and I promise that it gets better.

Dedicated to Zack

Ok, I need to preface this blog with an apology to all men in the world. I spent a lot of my short life being a man-hater. There's no particular male in my past that is the cause of this hatred, it was my own naivety and preconceived notions.

Here's my biggest problem with the Christian sexual education I got. I kept hearing that all men are pigs and all they ever think about is sex. I had to avoid all guys because all they wanted was to have sex with me. But I was so conflicted because I found some boys my age to be attractive. What was I supposed to do? I liked them but I shouldn't because all they wanted was sex. And sex was bad.

So in a nutshell I learned, Sex=bad, Men=sex so Men=bad (how's that for a bit of geometric proofs for ya?)

Now granted, it may not be what my youth pastor intended me to get out of this but it's so hard when you're told every year around Valentine's Day that a man has a sexual thought every 4 seconds. But the topic of sex ed (Christian and Secular) just makes me so mad that I'm going to stop before I start ranting.

So I believed guys were shallow and I didn't think any of them could look past my leg. And I wanted nothing to do with that. The easiest thing for me to do what just refuse any guy who ever asked me out. That didn't work out so well with Zack.

I met Zack my sophomore year of college at a speed dating event in my hall and by this point, I saw no good use for men at all. I was a feminist to the extreme! Sometimes I fell asleep trying to think of ways to rid the world of the male species all together. I could do anything a guy could do better (still can... just saying) and I didn't even need to be paid as much because I was the better than them. If you're thinking that I discriminated based on gender, you are so correct.

I couldn't escape Zack because our friend groups clicked and I was hanging out with him every weekend. And I can tell you the exact night he won me over. We had decided to go bowling but I didn't have enough money to pay for it. Zack (who was trying to win me over at this point) offered to pay for my game. After some forceful peer pressure I caved. We went bowling, had a fantastic time and at the end of night we found out that Zack had paid for EVERYONE! He paid for all 8 or 9 of us for both games. God knew it was time for me to get off my man hater battleship and he sunk me hard and fast.

Zack asked me out for our first date two weeks later and I couldn't say no. I think it was one of those God moments when you feel so strongly about something you can't ignore it. And if I  had said no, I think my friends would have killed me and sunk my body to the bottom of Lake Charleston. Apparently everyone else could see Zack was crazy about me and we were perfect for each other, but I chose not to see it. Then I was forced to see it when my dear Beth called me out after spring break.

And it turns out (shock of my life)... guys don't think about sex all the time! Zack has proved that to me a thousand times over and after 3.5 years, still remains the perfect gentleman. I wake up every morning and thank God for bringing Zack into my life. I believe God has funny ways for showing us how wrong we are. And blowing up my man hatred battleship at the height of my war plans without any warning is the perfect example.

I known I've come really far with my man hatred but Zack has to remind me at times that men are not the root of all evil. I used to tell Zack that "I hate all men but you." Then he'd tell me, "Ok, so according to you I'm not a man anymore. What am I then?" Honestly, I think it's funny that when I'm really in a man hater mood, he's the first person I call/text.

Needless to say, I love Zack very much. He's the kindest, sweetest man I know and so charming that it's impossible not to like him. And he can read me like a friggin' book. He can tell from the way I say hello when he calls if something is bothering me. There's no hiding emotions from Zack because he's not afraid to call me out and will pester me until I talk to him. It's annoying but I usually feel 20 times better afterwards. Our relationship if far from perfect

God blessed with me the greatest family and the greatest friends. And for some unknown reason, God blessed me with Zack. I once told Zack that I didn't deserve him and he told me simply, "Yes, you do." Funny thing is... he's never told me that he didn't deserve me, he just tells me everyday he's the luckiest man alive. He probably is but I bet you he's going to try and spend the rest of his life trying to show me why I do deserve him.

And he just signed back on to Skype. So I'm going to go talk to him for the rest of the afternoon! Yay!

50 years and counting!

So very early tomorrow morning, I leave for what is one of my favorite weekends of the year: Family Reunion! Labor Day weekend has always been a time of great joy and fun for me. I get to go spend 72 hours with some of the craziest and coolest people I know.

The McBride/Jones family reunion started 50 years ago this year and for some reason, God saw me fit to be apart of such a great family tradition. I come from the McBride side of the family. My grandmother's maiden name was McBride. Although I don't carry the McBride last name, I've always found myself closer to the McBrides than the Burges. I never got to know my grandfather Burge's side of the family very well.

Now I don't know the whole family history and I apologize, but from what I can gather, one of my great grandfather's siblings married a Jones and began an adventure that would span generations. I don't think any of them realized it would grow to this magnitude but I'm fully certain that they would be proud of what we've made it.

For me, family reunion has always been a celebration. We've lost many family members along the way but I believe we honor their memory by getting together just one weekend a year as a family. There are always new additions to the family every year. And it's cool to watch the generations progress since my generation (the great grandchildren) are getting married and having kids.

We get together every year at a church campground about 10 miles outside of Columbia, IN. We sleep in old cabins with uncomfortable mattresses and shower in water that smells like rotten eggs. But for the most part, none of us really care. We're all smelly, dirty and gross by the end of the weekend but it's the memories we create that count.

Some of my greatest childhood memories were made at family reunion, countless games of Mau and canoe trips to the "waterfall". Throwing people off the raft in the lake (King of the Raft was the best game ever) and then pouting when the raft got taken away. We built sand villages (castles don't even come close to what we built), played flash light tag, and after the mess hall renovation, extreme ping pong. Extreme ping pong was my favorite. It was me, my 4 cousins and running around a small rec room trying to keep the ping pong ball going.

We've also had talent shows galore, a disco night (another favorite of mine), hoe downs and an all-male wedding. I don't remember the all-male wedding but I've heard stories and it just sounds epic. We've had Mexican fiestas, carnivals, Halloween, and even the epic battle at the lake with water balloons and flour bombs!

I remember one year we did a carnival and my cousin Layke set up a kissing booth. He was probably 12 or 13 and it was adorable. I don't know if he made much money doing it but I will always remember him trying to sweet talk every female family member that walked by.

There was also the game where you could pay .10 cents and send whoever you wanted to jail for 5 minutes. It was very popular.

When I was really young, I remember a contest with rubber ducks. I was like 4 and I still have my rubber duckies. They are prized possessions of mine and I will never part with them!

It's funny to me that even at 23, I experience a child-like excitement when I go to Bear Lake Camp. In my mind, I step back in time and become a kid again. I play games and swing to see how I can go.The summer days seem endless and the nights bring camp fires and s'mores.

Our parents regale us with stories of rivalry between the McBrides/Jones. When I was a kid, the McBrides got together and made shirts that said Mac's Pack as a sign of humorous solidarity. The rivalry doesn't exist anymore but it's funny to imagine our parents going head to head to see which part of the family was better.

For the longest time, our parents wouldn't tell us what happened during their family reunions. They kept talking about being mischievous and getting into trouble. As it was the 70s, my cousins and I always assumed they ran off and smoked pot or something. Turns out, they would just run off with canoes, climb bluffs, and then jump off the top. To be honest, it was kind of disappointing. I kind of wanted our well-behaved, mature parents to be hooligans. So maybe wanting the parents to be hooligans who smoked illegal drugs is extreme but as far as I can tell, they were just normal, crazy teenagers. And that's kind of boring.

I mean it's not like we could do the same thing, there weren't any bluffs to climb at the new campground. And the smoking thing never appealed to us anyway. So I'm super excited for this weekend. As it is the 50th, there will be lots of people who haven't been in  years. People will ask me how I'm related and then realize that I've grown up some.


But the best thing about family reunion is that just for one weekend, we leave everything behind. We forget the differences, the distances, and the drama. At the end of the day we're family and 5 generations of McBrides/Jones have ingrained that in our souls. There isn't any stronger bond than family and I believe that's really what our great grandparents wanted us to remember.

And anyone who steps foot on Bear Lake Camp this weekend is family. Automatically. We'll pull you up a chair, offer you some molasses cookies or pie (which I HAVE GOT to get the recipe for) no questions asked.

I love my family beyond anything in the world and I'm so excited to see them all again. So here's to another 50 years of memory-filled McBride/Jones reunions!

Rinse, Wash, Repeat!

Today, as I was applying for a copy editing position for the American Veterinary Medical Association, I realized how much of a routine my life has become since I left EIU a year ago. I know that for most people life is a routine. We wake up, go to work, eat lunch, come home, eat dinner and go to bed. During college my goal was to never have a routine outside of my classes and work. Everything I did between classes and work was to be different from the day before. I never studied at the same time or same place and I tried to eat at different places everyday.

For the most part, I believe I was successful in this endeavor. Routine = boredom. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to become bored very easily with routine. I have been very fortunate in my 23 years so far to not feel this boredom very often. But I woke up this morning to find that I have slipped into a routine since returning home from Europe and I'm incredibly bored.

My routine is very simple. Sleep, read, eat, apply for jobs, Netflix, scrapbook, repeat. I know to some of you, this seems like a lot of steps. In college, I only used my room to sleep. I was barely ever there and when I was I slept. Now, I sit around my dad's house all day. I usually don't put on street clothes until 2 or 3 p.m. I've been sleeping in until 10 am or later everyday. It sounds ideal but I'm too much of a busy body to enjoy it.

Eastern's campus had so much to offer to an action-hungry student. You name it, I probably did it. I joined the choir, the orchestra, private violin lessons, Harry Potter Club, Hall Council, RHA, NRHH, became a manager at work, wrote for the newspaper. I did a crap ton of stuff and when I moved back home last August, I found a full-time job. Now granted the job was horrible and I came home crying every night, but I still maintained the busy body thing because I worked a lot of overtime.

Eventually I left the bank (smartest decision I've ever made), and began to search for a job. The summer wasn't so bad because I was literally gone every other week. I went to South Dakota, my grandparents, Europe, Missouri and just got back from Bettendorf, IA. Oh and I might also add I'm running off to Indiana this weekend for family reunion (holla!). But once I done with the majority of my traveling, I fell into my routine and I hate it.

I know once I find a job, the routine feeling will lessen somewhat but it's not really happening fast enough for me. I'm currently I'm trying to figure out how to smash my routine to smithereens but so far, no luck. I will figure something out, I always do. It's just the impatiently waiting until I get it figured out that annoys me.

I have nothing against people who like routine. I just hate routine in my life. Doing the same thing every single day just doesn't sound fun to me. So my conclusion today is: it's ok to like routine. Just remember, life is too short to rinse, wash and repeat.

My Epic Cover Letter

In the midst of job searching, I find myself called upon again and again to write cover letters. And I totally suck at it. I believe the problem chiefly arises from the fact that I don't like to talk myself up. Yea, I may be awesome but I will be the last person to tell you. If the job doesn't require submitting a cover letter, I don't normally submit one. I admit it's at my disadvantage to do so but I never know what to highlight in the letter. So here is the cover letter I'm so eager to write to someone, somewhere.



100 E. Hunting Square
Charmsville, IL 60001
August 24, 2011


Charlie Sheen
Human Resources Office
Illinois University
500 W. Perfect Job Ln.
Chicago, IL 60000

Dear Mr. Sheen,

I signed on to CareerBuilder yesterday and saw the job ad for Admissions Clerk. I was so excited reading about everything I'd get to do in this position. I'd be able to work with the awesome students, pursue my dream and get paid for it! This is my DREAM JOB!

Oh Mr. Sheen, if you only knew how much I wanted this job. I know I'd so freaking awesome at it! No will else will have my enthusiasm or my excitement to be apart of the MOST EXCITING TIME OF THEIR LIVES! Nothing is better than helping people find joy through learning! Or strive for that dream job or even help someone learn the joy for reading for the 1st time! I will be a freaking cheerleader for every student who I come in contact with because no one will believe in their ability more than me!!! You could even put me behind a computer crunching numbers all day... it doesn't matter to me because I believe no matter what I'm doing, I'm helping teenagers, adults or whoever achieve something. I WANT to be apart of the process of training the people who will change the world someday. Every fiber of my being just wants to help people no matter the age, race, color, sexual orientation or even immigration status. Everyone deserves the educational opportunity and achieving their dream.

I work harder than anyone else I know and I will I promise that I'll work even harder for you! I admit I don't know everything about college admissions but I'm a fast learner. Show me something once and I will never ask again. I may not be a perfectionist in my home life but when it comes to my work, I strive for 100% accuracy. Please Mr. Sheen, just give me once chance and I promise you'll never regret it. If you want 110 percent, I'll give 220 percent. I have included my resume that contains only a fraction of all the awesome experiences I can share. I spent 3 hours updating it so I hope you look at it for more than 30 seconds.

Please oh please call me soon. I will be sitting by my phone on pins and needles waiting to hear it ring. Thank you so much for just sparing the time to read this! I know you must be incredibly busy.

Sincerely,
Alison Burge

P.S. If you never call me back, I promise I understand. There are people who are better qualified but I promise none of them will have my enthusiasm!

Poor Mr. Darcy!

I have 8 followers now... AWESOME!!!! So tonight I'm going to update you on my Pride and Prejudice challenge. In case you missed it, I'm trying to read all the Pride and Prejudice sequels, prequels or whatever the authors decided to do with the plot line. I'm also going to touch on why I'm currently fighting with Jane Austen after finishing Mansfield Park.

Before I start on my very Grinchy rampage, I must apologize profusely to anybody who likes smut novels. I think sex scenes are so awkward and I don't understand the point. There is no pleasure in reading about someone else having sex. I find it incredibly embarrassing because I know if I was having sex I wouldn't want a bunch of people watching me. I usually just skip the whole thing because it usually has very little to do with the outcome of the book.

Anyways, I finally got through To Conquer Mr. Darcy and I could feel Austen just turning over in her grave. The book was a travesty. I wish to believe the author had good intentions when starting out but completely missed the mark with Austen's interpretation of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.

The books starts right after Elizabeth Bennett has refused Mr. Darcy's hand in marriage at Rosings. Mr. Darcy has rushed back to London and is now drinking himself to death. The world must now end because Ms. Bennett refused him! Now the idea of Mr. Darcy with a hangover amuses me to no end but it's the only amusing part of the ENTIRE book! The book gives us a first-hand look at Mr. Darcy's thoughts as he begins to pursue Elizabeth once more. The premise of the book is promising but promise stops right after Mr. Darcy leaves to return to Longbourne.

Instead of sticking to Austen's plot line, the author entirely re-writes the second half of the story. As an Austen purist, this is blasphemy! Elizabeth marries Mr. Darcy during her trip North with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. In Pride and Prejudice, she doesn't even meet Mr. Darcy again until that trip.

I might be able to allow the author creative license with the plot line but I can't allow the author to change the personalities of the two main characters. Mr. Darcy wasn't smug enough and came across as too lively. Mr. Darcy is supposed to be a proud, pompous prick who is incredibly loyal but ridiculously shy.

Alas, he comes off at too soft. The author turns Mr. Darcy into a pushover who actually smiles and laughs at a joke by Mrs. Bennett! Elizabeth was more believable but I was shocked when she lost ALL of her fiery independence. She marries Mr. Darcy and it all vanishes. The author talks about her struggle to retain the independence after they wed but then they get married and Elizabeth lets Mr. Darcy take over. I felt like she missed the mark with the books main characters.

The author also turned a perfectly good romance novel into a smut book. Yea, that's right Austenites... the two main characters have sex before getting married. It's just so inconsistent with their personalities that after I skipped that page, I could no longer enjoy the book. I JUST cannot find anyway of justifying the course of events in this books. In Austen's book, Mr. Darcy has too good of principles to risk his own name and the virtue of Elizabeth Bennett. And it doesn't make any sense within the time period, it would have been a HUGE scandal. Mr. Darcy's good name would have been ruined and Elizabeth would not have been able to be seen in respectable company. But the author just wrote the entire thing off as if it were a normal occurrence.

There was just too many differences for the book to be even remotely enjoyed. Had the author but taken the time to truly understand the relationship between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, this travesty would have never been written or even sold to the public. So save yourselves the $5 and DO NOT EVER BUY THIS BOOK!

And now for Mansfield Park. I found Fanny Price to be the most boring Jane Austen heroine ever. Austen's female leads are usually so strong and independent that Fanny Price seemed like a cry for help. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but I liked the film better than the book. At last in the Miramax version, Fanny Price is restored some of that passion that Austen wrote into her other heroines.

The book version of Fanny is far too dull and she almost comes off as lifeless. I feel like the characters around Fanny require her to be vivacious or at least not as boring as a pine cone. So Mansfield Park is now on the books I wish never to read again and it hurts my Austen purist heart to think that it's now been banished to the same list as Gone With the Wind and Catcher in the Rye. Jane Austen has never failed me and now that she has, I find myself completely lost.

I will eventually get over my fight with Austen. To make myself feel better, I'm rereading Pride and Prejudice. And as for my challenge, it's on hold until I'm able to afford more novels or get myself to the library.

Neurotic? Probably.

I can't believe I'm going to do this and embarrass the crap out of myself but it will take away some of my boyfriend's glory. Normally, I would let Zack just tease me relentlessly but I also have to do this for me. It's been far too long and I have to get past the embarrassment.

In high school, I had a crush on this guy at my church. We're going to call him Todd. I debated for a long time over whether to use his real name but I felt it kind of rude to write a blog using his real name without asking him first. And I was far too embarrassed to do that. Zack will know who I'm speaking of and probably be the first to tell you his real name.

Please understand Todd if you do read this, I am SO sorry and it embarrasses me to no end. It was just the crush of a stupid, naive teenage girl, who lived with her head in the clouds. You really are a great guy and you are marrying a wonderful, wonderful woman who is very dear to me. I am truly excited beyond words for you both!!!!! 

So I've known Todd basically my entire life. I like to tell people I was born at the church because I spent so much time there from K-12 grades. I don't know when Todd's family started attending my church but I know I was really young. During grade school, our paths didn't cross a whole lot that I remember. We were in kids choir together and Junior Bible Quiz. It wasn't until high school that we got stuck together more.

As much as I wish I could deny this now, I was boy crazy. I know that all 15 year old girls are but mine wasn't so much about liking 20 boys at once. I focused on 1 boy and my crush turned into an obsession. That's what happened with Todd. I was a sophomore and Todd had grown his hair out (think Justin Bieber hair). All the girls thought he was cute with the new hair. I think for me it was the dimples. Over the next 2 years, I convinced myself that I was going to marry Todd. Our paths had to be intertwined. I mean after all, he played my boyfriend in one of our youth group dramas. It was a sign!

In my mind, Todd could do no wrong. I thought he was the perfect guy for me. He met every quality on my list of prospective boyfriend essentials. It wasn't until I was out of high school that I realized I tailored the entire list to make it fit Todd. My mom kept telling me to ask him to homecoming but there was no way on God's green earth I could do that. I was far too shy in high school. I was that girl who never spoke to the guys she liked because I was so scared of what they thought. In my high school years, I spoke maybe 10 words to Todd. I remember telling him once that I liked his glasses.

And looking back, I know I was obsessed because I actually used to dream about him. Not regularly but I remember about 3 or 4. The only reason I even remember them is because I'm so embarrassed by them. (And Zack... I know for a fact I've had more dreams about you... so no teasing me about it.) I promise they weren't anything inappropriate. I can't say they weren't weird because I had one where Todd and Harry Potter saved the world.

Then later in high school, he started dating one my closest friends. I was furious! How could she double cross me like this? I actually began to distance myself from her and I regret it every single day. She was one of my oldest, dearest friends and I let my stupid obsession with a guy get in the way. We still remain friends to this day but not the way we were as kids. You can tell me that it happens as people get older but I really think this one was my fault.

I left for school and eventually got passed Todd. It actually happened pretty quickly after arriving at EIU. By the end of the first semester I developed a crush on someone else. And then a year later, I met some crazy kid named Zack and I didn't want to own up to liking him until my friend, Beth, completely called me out. Luckily, she didn't have to call me out when I fell in love with Zack.

Back in June, Zack was visiting me for a week before I ran off to Europe and he came across my journals from high school. I don't hide anything from Zack so he learned all about my obsession with Todd long before June. He read them and was surprised by how boring they were. I talked about how I bored I was in class  etc. He flipped haphazardly through the pages until he came to "Dear Todd...". I think I lost 20 years off my life.

I really thought Zack would be jealous about reading this pseudo-love letter that I wrote to another guy. But I turned so red that he chose to pick on me instead. I don't embarrass easily so when I do Zack pounces on it. I credit it to my ability to laugh at myself but I'm so embarrassed about this old obsession that I can't. Still to this day, I cannot have a normal conversation with Todd.

And I would like to have a normal conversation with Todd. I would like to be able to say "How are you?" without these stupid memories popping into my head. So this is step one. I figure the best way to get over it is to humiliate myself in front of the whole Internet!  I'm going to do my best not to put my head in the ground like an ostrich because Todd could read this (and that's more mortifying than anything else).

Todd is getting married very soon to my friend he started dating in high school. Now if anyone reads this and goes, "Alison's going all My Best Friend's Wedding on us," I may hurt you. Honestly, I can't think of anything even remotely clever to say because it actually makes me angry. If that's what you got out of this, you completely missed the point and I pity your stupidity. That's all I have to say on the subject. I am very excited about their upcoming marriage but a more correct term is probably elated. I AM SO ELATED FOR THE TWO OF THEM!!!

So now Zack can't find glory in teasing me about Todd and I should be able to laugh at myself for it. And here is the letter I wrote to Todd during German class (this is my attempt to laugh at myself).

It's dated 1/31/2005.

Dear Todd,
 Hey! It's me, Alison! You're probably wondering why I'm writing this. Well I need to get this out before I explode (J/K). It's really just 4 my sake. I surprise myself sometimes. I think about you a lot and I've written about you once in my journal. If you haven't guessed already, I like you. There I said it. I think your a sweet guy and really funny. I know we've never had an actual conversation but that will change. I'm going to try and step out of my comfort zone more. I get really nervous around guys because I always feel like I'm going to say something or do something stupid. Writing this letter is a first for me. This is really weird. But now that this is all out, I'm more at peace with it.
Alison

So I was reading over this letter and on the top of the page its written on I taped a clipping from a newspaper and it says (I'm totally serious) "are you neurotic?" After writing this blog, probably.

   
 

To Springfield... and Beyond!

So in case you haven't read my Facebook statuses lately, this past weekend I took my sister to Springfield, MO for her freshman year of college. And I dedicate this blog to her, even though she is currently in the Missouri wilderness doing tug of war in a mud pit or something.

I am the middle child of 3 girls. My older sister, Tracie, currently lives in Iowa with my brother-in-law and is enlightening the minds of young Iowans in the great Midwestern city of Cedar Rapids. Actually I really like Cedar Rapids, Tracie thinks its kind of boring but I've got a thing for smaller cities (that's why I went to college in a town of 22,000). Kristin, the youngest Burge girl, just graduated high school in June and got all sorts of awesome scholarships for her freshman year. Most people might say I have a disadvantage because of "middle child syndrome". To be honest, I don't really know what that means. My parents paid plenty of attention to me but then again, I was kind of hard to ignore since I always ended up in the hospital or at a doctors office. But really... I actually like being the middle child. It means that I have the older sibling to idolize and the younger sibling to pick on mercilessly (and I barely ever got in trouble because I was able to pass blame off to one of my sisters).

But I digress. I couldn't be prouder of my younger sister. She has turned out to be a wonderful young woman of God, who really has a heart for missions. When she told me about James River Leadership College (JRLC), I was a little skeptical. She was paying all this money to a basically to go to a church where she would (I felt) be doing all the grunt work. However, after this weekend, God showed me (as he often does) that I was HORRIBLY wrong about this place.

For those of us who grew up in an AG church, JRLC is really just an expansion of the Masters Commission program. They took the model and just improved on it. The college is actually set up as a co-op through Evangel University and James River Assembly of God. Evangel is one of the biggest Assemblies of God colleges and James River Assembly is probably the biggest AG church in the nation. I kid you not the average attendance at this church is at least 7500.

The great thing about this program is the students take all the same classes as they would at Evangel but they get hands-on experience through practicums. Each student gets to work in the area of their choice and they are able to put what they learn in class into practice right away. Kristin chose the youth practicum since she wants to be a youth missionary. Most of these students want to be pastors or work with a church in some capacity so the experience they receive here is invaluable. And when Kristin is done in 2 years, she will have her associates in leadership. From there, she can either transfer to a 4-year Christian college to finish her bachelors or get a job. I'm pretty sure she's going to transfer and get her bachelors.

The training is also very Biblical and Christ-centered. At orientation, the JRLC director Dr. Jon Spence went into great detail about everything and it was quite informative. Sadly, I don't remember much. What I did get from orientation is the staff at JRLC are very concerned about the whole student: mental, emotional, and spiritual. Naturally the focus is on the spiritual but Dr. Spence told the students if they had any trouble at all and began to get overwhelmed, all they need to do come talk to the staff.

Kristin's schedule was a bit overwhelming to look at. Above the required classes, she also has her practicum (15-20 hours a week), chapel services, small groups, 3 church services a week, and any other required events they decide in the future. And everything takes place at the church, all her classes, practicum, etc. My freshman year of college wasn't anything close to this. I had class and work. My senior year may have looked something like her schedule but that's only because I volunteered for everything.

Orientation was very pleasant and I knew Kristin had found her place. It will be challenging but Kristin has a will of iron. I have no worries.

Kristin was able to meet her roommates and they seemed to get along well. Going to a Christian school, her chances of having bad roommate experiences are less likely (I hope), but there will probably be disagreements and they will be tired of seeing each other 24/7. These 4 girls will basically do everything together over the next 9 months. The 3 freshman share identical class schedules. Kristin and another one her roommates are also in the same practicum. So literally they will be together all the time. Her 4th roommate is the floor RA and actually a sophomore, so they won't see as much of her.

Housing wise, Kristin is very lucky. She will be living in a 2-bed, 2-bath apartment with only 3 other roommates. The apartments are only about a 5 minute walk from the church and the grocery store is literally 100 feet away.  The apartment is actually a good size and the walk-in closets give enough room for everyone's stuff. The apartment also came with a dishwasher and 1 family provided the girls with a washer and another the dryer. So they won't have to pay for laundry (lucky ducks). The rooms are really your typical size rooms (my guess would be 14 x 16) and they are all painted a nice shade of cream. The girls also have a balcony and were very excited about it. However, they can't use it until management removes the hornets nest.

Now as we moved in, Kristin realized she had way too much stuff. I was a little miffed that she didn't listen to my advice about college shopping. I did move-in for four years into the room the size of a closet. The girls ALL brought kitchen stuff and had 4 sets of pans, 4 sets of dishes and a lot of other things. So I was sent home with 2 boxes of excess stuff. I did take Kristin shopping for storage stuff after move-in and I said no a lot. I don't claim to be an expert on many things but I am an expert when it comes to college living spaces and storage. Kristin got what she needed and some stuff she wanted (a pencil sharpener).

When I left, she was unpacked and seemed settled. I will admit that I was very sad to leave her. If this is what my mom went through with Tracie and I, then I'm sorry I didn't call home more often. I sniffled for 2 hours on my trip home. I didn't allow myself to cry because the highway in Missouri is pretty hilly and curvy.

I'd always seen Kristin as this adorable but obnoxious 13-year-old. Then she went and grew up on me. Now she's this gorgeous (but still obnoxious... just kidding!) 18-year-old about to start the greatest time of her life! When did this happen? Although I will admit that I'm glad she's grown up, she was kind of a brat as a kid (she will admit this too). So now I'm wondering if I will ever hear from her, if she's doing ok, is she eating, and all sorts of other parental things. And I hear it only gets worse when you have children... if that's true, I'm going to be an emotional wreck when my kids go off to college. Now I'm not going to go all crazy and call her every night. I'm just going to call every other night at 10 p.m. to make sure she's in her room doing her homework.

I was also able to go to church at James River Assembly on Sunday and I even got a tour from one of the board members. This place is massive and seriously awesome! The youth get their own center and the kids have their own wing. The little kids get their own McDonald's playplace. The church serves Starbucks coffee and has the most delicious pound cake. The auditorium seats 3450 people and I'm guessing there were 2500+ in attendance on Sunday. There are 24 restrooms (in all the corners) and there are viewing areas set up outside the auditorium for people who aren't comfortable sitting in the auditorium. Our tour guide said at least 200 people a week sit outside at these viewing areas to watch service.

I will also say it's the most informal service I've been too. The worship sounded more like a rock concert (they all had ear pieces) but I've always thought some times we take worship too seriously. The worship leader was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The pastor, Scotty Gibbons, was absolutely phenomenal and was wearing sneakers, jeans and a button up plaid shirt.

And for all of you thinking that everyone attending this church was raised AG... you're WRONG! My tour guide said only 15-20% of those who attend were raised at an AG church. That's like maybe 500 people.

The one thing I really liked about this church is their focus is to reach out. Literally. That's what we were told during the tour. They are SO involved in their community it isn't even funny. The church has a fitness center and offer free membership to the local fire and police departments and teachers. 40% of the gym membership don't even attend the church. They have an addiction center that offers free counseling. They even started their own charity called Cherish Kids that helps finds kids foster homes and adoptions. The state loves this foundation because they place kids in good homes and it takes some of the pressure off of them.

And my sister gets to be at the forefront of what God is doing in the Springfield area. It's so cool! It wasn't until Sunday that I really got to see what this place is all about and I was blown away. The ministry, the commitment.... everything. This building is only about 4 years old and they are already taking on a new building project for a new James River campus about 10 miles north. Their going to build this HUGE facility with very little debt and construction will be done in a year.

Kristin told me that she showed up to the college visit and immediately felt at home. After experiencing service first hand, I can see why. It is a HUGE church but I felt at home. And it was very unsettling to walk into this massive church knowing absolutely no one. I felt more at home there then I did at the church I attend now (and I grew up in that church). 

So Kristin dear, you are destined for great things. I've always known it. Your new home will take great care of you and help you grow more than anything Chicago could ever offer. I'm praying for you and I love you! We don't agree on much but I agree wholeheartedly that you have found the right place. I would wish you luck but you won't need it. You're going to accomplish things I could never even dream of. And don't forget to call home! I want to be able to brag about all the awesome stuff you're doing. If I hear it from someone else at church first, I do know where you live and I will hunt you down. Sounds selfish but I'm allowed to be selfish about finding all your accomplishments first. It's family privilege because don't forget girlie... you're stuck with me (insert evil laugh here).

Mr. Darcy and the Austen Grinch

I'm sorry that I haven't been writing more often. I find myself, oddly, gone most of the time, which makes it hard to update my blog. I just got back from the St. Louis area visiting my boyfriend for his 22nd birthday. Tomorrow I leave to take my younger sister, Kristin, to Ozark, MO to college! Yay! Luckily the weather looks fairly good and we managed to fit all her stuff (including a monstrous bike) into my dad's little Mazda 6. But tonight I'm going to talk about every girl's favorite romantic heart throb Mr. Darcy.

If you happened to grow up in a fish bowl or underneath a rock, Mr. Darcy is the principle male character of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. The book is very famous and has been made into several movie adaptations. Pride and Prejudice is my all-time favorite book and the A&E mini-series is the most epic chick flick ever. I highly recommend you either read the book or rent the movie (warning: the A&E version is about 5 hours long, so if you aren't a patient person watch the Keira Knightley version instead).

Now, don't get all righteous on me by arguing the Keira Knightley version would cause Austen to roll over in her grave. I got my boyfriend into Pride and Prejudice by watching that film and there may be some major flaws but it does cover the basics.

About 2 months ago, I was out eating dinner with a dear friend of mine and we ended up stopping by a book store, which if you know me at all is no surprise. I kept seeing all these books about Mr. Darcy and it really irritated me (especially the Mr. Darcy, Vampyre). I consider myself to be a Jane Austen purist and messing with the ultimate Austen heart throb is a level beyond mortal sin. I mentioned them to my friend and she commented on how I should read them all and then tell her which ones are worth reading.

I was appalled by this idea! A REAL Jane Austen fan would not stoop to such a level and read these depraved books! If Jane Austen were still alive, she would find all these books and BURN THEM! All these so called "authors" would be shunned from premier literary circles and sleep in beds made of their detestable pages of melodramatic hogwash.

If you can't tell, I paid no attention to this idea. I was, however, looking forward to spending 4 days in the UK going through Jane Austen country, since this book store escapade took place about a week before we left for Europe.

So fast forward two weeks later to Bath, UK. We make an obligatory stop to the Jane Austen Centre to look around and see what the gift shop offers. The minute I walk in I notice the same Mr. Darcy garbage I saw in the book store! I was outraged! How could a place devoted to the memory of my favorite writer display such garbage? I decided the place couldn't truly be dedicated to Austen because their walls were tarnished by these disgraceful books.

Then I had my Grinch moment (the part where he hears the Who's singing on Christmas and his heart grows 3 sizes....) when I read one of the cards on a book titled Me and Mr. Darcy. It was a staff pick and it talked about how Mr. Darcy is every girl's fantasy. Curious, I turn the book over and read the back cover and I was intrigued about this New York book store manager running off to England for an Austen tour after a string of bad men. And she meets Mr. Darcy!

I read a couple of pages and I laughed! Then I caught myself... this author was witty and I totally related to the narrator! I had to have this book! I must finish reading it! After 5 pages, I couldn't put it down and I flipped over the cover to look at the price... and realized that if I bought it I wouldn't be eating for the rest of the trip. But I swore to myself I would come home and FIND THIS BOOK!

I finished reading Me and Mr. Darcy yesterday. It was absolutely fabulous! The author totally does credit to Austen's masterpiece. The book simply takes the basic idea of Pride and Prejudice and puts a modern day twist on it. I honestly believe if you don't read this book you're doing Austen a disservice only because  Austen would appreciate how the main character goes on her own adventure to discover the truth about Mr. Darcy. It's not the typical Pride and Prejudice knock off where the author tries to either rewrite the whole story or write the sequel. And although the plot lines closely mirror each other, there's enough differences to make even the most snobbish of Austen purists happy.

So in the end, I did decide to take my friends challenge. Can I, a hard core Austen purist, read all the Pride and Prejudice knock offs with out judging the book by its cover? Me and Mr. Darcy was a promising start and as I'm finding out quickly with this next one, To Conquer Mr. Darcy, that it may be a very difficult journey. I still feel my grinchy tendencies with this one but I'm pushing through. So I will periodically update where I stand in the midst of these books because there are A LOT! I will be renting books from my library and also buying them for my e-reader (mostly because it's easier to carry my Nook instead of a bunch of books).

Oh and in case you were wondering Mr. Darcy, Vampyre is next on my list. Followed closely by Mr. Darcy, Werewolf. I can already feel my skin beginning to turn green and hairy....

Goodbye July!

Today marks the end of another July. As a kid, the end of July meant back to school shopping, which was my favorite kind of shopping. I LOVE the crisp new notebooks waiting to filled with math problems or history notes and the new pencils that I always lost. And the best part of back to school shopping was getting the brand new backpack. My favorite backpack growing up was my Elmo backpack that I used in 3rd grade. It was all black expect for the embroidered Elmo on the front. Well, it was my favorite until the day I pulled it out of my locker and found an enormous spider in it. I really don't like spiders. The whole idea of them have 6 eyes creeps me out to no end.

I was always excited to go back to school. I was one of those crazy kids that loved school and enjoyed doing homework. When I got into college, August meant getting away from my parents and crazy sister! Going back to Eastern was the best part of the year! I got to see all my friends again, be a broke college student, and not worry about trying to find a meal. Kristin (my younger sister) is leaving for her freshman year of college in 2 weeks and she is very nervous. It's fun to watch her anticipation build as her departure comes closer. And I couldn't be prouder that she found a school that she will love and will help give her the tools she needs to bring God's love to every corner of the globe.

I'm also blessed with the opportunity to take her to school in 2 weeks and I get to see where she will be spending the majority of the next two years. She's going to school in Ozark, Missouri (which is located near Springfield, MO) and although I'm not excited about the 8 hour drive, it will be fun spending some quality time with my sister.

I'm kind of sad July has ended because I had the MOST epic July ever! I spent three weeks tramping across Europe with my two crazy sisters and got to watch first hand as the Rupert Murdoch scandal unfolded (which was kind of cool from a journalistic standpoint). And somewhere along the way I turned 23. Europe taught me a lot about myself and strengthened the relationship between me and my siblings. I still think it's weird to wake up every morning and not want to throw Kristin's screaming alarm clock out the window.

Although July has come to a close, the wonderful memories remain and I look forward to the adventures of August. My summer travels have not ended since I will be going to spend 5 days with my boyfriend and his wonderful family. I haven't seen my boyfriend since the middle of June and I miss him a ton! He's very sweet, cute and all sorts of gushy stuff and he's turning 22 on August 4. I promised him we would go play golf on his birthday (I promise I will try to go easy on him... I may even let him win). We're also planning to go to a drive-in theater because he promised me two summers ago and I'm still waiting.

I also will be traveling to Springfield, MO for a few days to help my sister get settled at college. I'm also super excited to see my sister from another mister, Nichole Steber, who left me in May to move all the way to South Dakota to be with her boyfriend. I miss her SO much and can't wait to see my better half.

Another exciting thing is the long awaited marriage of my very dear friend Ms. Lauren Delaney... who will become Mrs. Lauren Osters on August 28th. I'm VERY excited for Lauren and Stephen (both of whom I grew up with) and I can't tell you how excited I've been since I learned that they got engaged in February. No seriously... Kristin called me on her way to pick me up from work and was like... GUESS WHAT???? LAUREN IS GETTING MARRIED!!!! I was like "That's not funny Kristin. Don't joke with me about that." And Kristin was like "No Alison... THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!" She was like yelling into the phone and she was so excited that she convinced me. I was jumping up and down outside in the Jewel parking lot from excitement. I'm so excited for you my dear dear Lauren! You deserve the most perfect of days!!!!!!!

So farewell to July! You have been glorious and wonderful and I shall never forget the pure awesomeness! And welcome August... I anticipate more warm summer days and more awesome memories!